guest post

And now ladies & gentlemen
a guest post from the infamous ZED

Enjoy...



Jen's Fair State of Rhode Island

Rhode Island is a little, tiny, tiny, tiny, little, tiny state on the
northeast coast of the U.S., with Massachusetts to its north and Connecticut to its west. When Americans play the game Name the States on long car trips, Rhode Island will most likely be the state whose name no one can recall. I dare you to name its capital off the top of your head. Go ahead. Well the answer is Providence, and by a show of hands, how many of us have been there? I thought so.
No one even lives in Providence. It's empty. There's a McDonald's and a Payless, and one bus that goes from East Providence to Newport twice a day. You'd think there'd be a "West Providence" if there's an East Providence, but RI's just not wide enough to accommodate it.
Roger Williams founded the state in 1686. And for that, everywhere you go there's something named after him: Roger Williams National Memorial, Roger Williams Park & Zoo, Roger Williams Park Boathouse, Roger Williams University. Roger Williams this and Roger Williams that. It gets old.
If you start at the easternmost tip of Connecticut and drive toward the Atlantic Ocean, it will take 9 to 11 minutes to cross the entire state if you drive at a snail's pace. Whatever you do, don't take a short nap, or you'll miss it. But while Rhode Island is very very very small, it's a beautiful state, I'll say that for it.
There's water and boating and lighthouses everywhere, and many stately mansions owned by famous millionaires of the past exist in Newport. In fact, Jen is a direct descendant of the Vanderbilts, but I believe she was cast out of the Vanderbilt family about 12 years ago for some very questionable behavior. Ahem. I don't think she wants to discuss that in any detail, and being the soul of discretion, neither shall I. I'm so sorry I even brought it up.
Rhode Island's 400 miles of coastline are quite impressive. But don't fall into the sea because no one lives in Rhode Island except for Jen and Tim and a few fishermen--or to be politically correct, fisherpeople--and the governor, and they're all far too busy to go lookin' for the likes of you or your family in the ocean.
Block Island, a beautiful vacation place, is owned by the state. It is about 30 minutes east by high-speed ferry, and I've heard it's moving out to sea at a rate of 1-2 inches per 5 years. The truth is, it's trying to separate itself from RI.
Well that's about it. Jen might become governor of this fair state some day and turn the whole thing around for Rhode Island. I believe she can do it; I hope so. In ten years there could be 2 Payless shoe stores in Providence, a bigger McDonalds, and a KFC; you never know.

Zed