Dearest Owen,
I have been a fan your your work for some time.
It's come to my attention that you recently tried to commit suicide
and it breaks my heart, really it does.
Sure you're not as good looking as your brother Luke,
and you have that crooked nose thing going on
- but hell, you could get your nose fixed
I can't imagine what's troubling you
it must be all the pressures of being a celebrity
like deciding whether to vacation in Maui or South of France
or the painstaking choices like... do I take the Porsche or the Ferrari?
Which Mansion should I stay at this week...
Which famous model should I have sex with tonight... and so on.
You poor, poor man.. I know it must be so hard to be rich and famous.
Life can be full of despair when you're a ZILLIONAIRE celebrity.
Oh boo hoooo hooo hoooo
Listen Nancy, most people would kill to have your life
So why don't you BUCK UP and be a man
you pansy ass, pathetic fuck
If you need to talk
please don't hesitate to call me..
anytime
your pal, always
Jen at Casual Slack
I'm sure he'll feel so much better after he reads this.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree
ReplyDeleteWhoa.
ReplyDelete"Bitter? Party of One?... is there a Bitter? Party of One?"
HAHA
you're so sweet!
ReplyDeleteand Angela is funny as ever.
tough love! I am planning a post about owen myself a little later. I was not going to call him a "pathetic fuck" but I really like it!!! Your letter is sheer poetry.
ReplyDelete2fools - shut up
ReplyDeleteTeri - I am sweet.. it's true
Mel - That's why you're my favorite
you rock!
That is so kind of you.
ReplyDeleteWell, if I'm ever feeling depressed and suicidal, now I know where to turn to first. Maybe if you ever leave your current job, you can get employed on the Suicide Prevention Hotline.
ReplyDelete