Monday, October 23, 2006

pumpkins

I bought a pumpkin over the weekend.

It gave me a flashback of last years
pumpkin buying experience...

The Walmart Pumpkin
Last year I was invited to a Halloween Party
I told my friend I would carve some pumpkins for her
because she wasn't skilled in the pumpkin carving area...

so at the last minute I went on this quest for pumpkins
because I always wait 'til the last minute to do everything

So I went with my husband -
we drove around looking EVERYWHERE
nada - no pumpkins - not a pumpkin in sight
no stands on the side of the road none in the supermarket
then we drive by walmart & noticed they had some outside

We take a look... I point at this perfect looking pumpkin
"that one looks pretty good"
My husband picks it up and says nahhhh
there's a mushy spot on the back
so he puts it back down ever so gently
just as he sets it down.. the pumpkin literally exploded

it made this popping sound and it spewed rotting ,vile, stinking
pumpkin juice all over everything
it was all over both of us.. more on my husband

There had to be at least a gallon of festering liquid inside of it
a huge puddle formed underneath it as it gushed out like tidal wave

it smelled so unimaginably bad...
this yellowish, slimy, revolting substance - dripping from his hands
all over his shirt... dripping down my leg and arm

I never knew pumpkins exploded.. It's something I never wanted to know
I have never experienced anything quite like it nor do I ever wish to again

Then he YELLS at ME
Like I was the one who made it explode
Like I wanted rotting pumpkin liquid to spray all over us

we ran to the car to find something to wipe it off with
and ended up using a 1/2 of a bottle of purrell hand sanitizer

but the smell did not disperse

needless to say.. we stopped looking for pumpkins that night
I was able to find a non-rotting one at another supermarket the next day

I hate Walmart.

the moral of the story...
don't wait till the last minute when making a pumpkin purchase

21 comments:

Nobody said...

HAHAHA, that's a funny story.

Jenn said...

sick, and I agree with nobody, that's dang funny!

bozette said...

LMAO.
Flashbacks from this year. Same place Walmart

dirty said...

Walmart sucks.

I waited all till Friday to buy pumpkins and found the biggest, bestest ones that I have seen yet...but this is Ohio and strange things happen here every day.

This story made me laugh...I think I will giggle all day because of it.

monkey said...

HAAHAAAHAHAAA!!!

Mo said...

Well, I bet it STILL wasn't as vile as clamato juice.

DutchBitch said...

The "more on my husband" part was best , I think

Lynda said...

My mom bought pumpkins to early one year, and all the juice seeped out of them and they collapsed. She had to use a shovel to throw them out.

So, I believe that they can explode as well.

2 fools said...

We had a rotter on my porch THIS year. But I learned my lesson last year and picked it up with a paper bag. Nothing is grosser than a wet, stinky slime ball falling into your lap. Ain that right, Dick Small?

mixednut said...

Thanks for the warning.
Sounds like Tim got the worst of it. Hahahahahah!

Grant Miller said...

My wife has great pumpkins.

Doctor Mom said...

I don't like carving slimey pumpkins either, but what I really don't understand is....

Why the hell my husband keeps trying to roast the friggin' pumpkin seeds?? They turn out like dried salty sawdust every year....

Why do they keep trying??

Jen said...

I love pumpkin seeds toasted
soooo good

maybe he's doing it wrong...!

Ritardo said...

Donuts....I mean Pumkins.....

Doctor Mom said...

Then he's been doing that wrong too... for the last 24 years!

Mo said...

I really don't know Angela, you've never fallen into my lap before, so I really can't say...

Mo said...

...but I'm sure there are plenty of other laps you've fallen into, what with your drinking problem and all. ...

Annie said...

And you keep trying to get me to carve pumpkins...

See I told you it's a big mess. Just bring me some toasted seeds :)

Chris said...

Yet another reason Wamrt is pure evil-Booby-trapped pumpkins!

2 fools said...

Dear Dick:

I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

(You totally had me on that one, I had no comeback.)

Mo said...

I'm honored. Thanks!