answers

I HAVE THE ANSWERS

Tanya asked
How do I get myself to finish my book and maybe
paint something to hang in the nursery?
And when are you coming up here to help me do
all these things?!
Screw it.. the book can wait - Wouldn't you rather use
that time to nap? - and as far as painting something for
the nursery just buy something instead
- therefore giving you extra nap time
Coming to help: If you insist on doing this stuff..
How's next Tuesday around 4:15? Have cookies waiting for me.

Ducthy asked
What is keeping my totally understanding, hot looking,
rich, muscular, minding his own business when he needs to,
not in my face 24/day but only when I need him, shutting up
when I don't care to hear his opinion, new man!?
He just got tied up in traffic, he should be there soon
He should have called you to say he was going to be late
... typical, inconsiderate, no good son of a bitch

Dirty asked
I want to know why Daylight Savings is such a bitch.
I've taken several naps and I'm still tired.
All I want to do is slack.
Oh and what is your idea of the perfect Saturday night?
the perfect Saturday Night
Daylight savings IS a bitch, but the extra daylight is sweet
so we must suffer for good things- also there is no shame in slacking
Perfect Saturday Night:
No god damn barbecuing...
- we go out to eat with friends (wherever I want to go)
- then back to my house, chill on the deck, drinks, fire in the chiminea
and everyone manages to NOT rag on me the entire night

Teri asked
Why do you show more pictures of Travis and never of Jerry?
Travis is more photogenic and he knows how to ham it up..
Do you like Travis more than Jerry?
Hell yeah, Travis is the greatest cat on the planet
Jerry is a miserable bastard who tries to bite me on a daily basis
Now you're all thinking - oh that's so mean!
okay.. Jerry lives a life of luxury,
the best food, kitty condos to sprawl in, ample cat nip
so poor Jerry my ass

Dave asked
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?
Well Dave..If a woodchuck could chuck wood
he wood chuck approximately 3.5 cords per day
assuming the woodchuck had weekends off to rest

Lynda asked
Um...why is Monday every 7 days?
Can't we pass a law to make it every 14 days??
Because life sucks Lynda...
We can't pass a law because all the rich people won't allow it
they want us to work.

Grant Miller asked
Why me?
You know why Miller.... you know why...

Dick asked
So Jen, why does David Hasselhoff pose naked with puppies?
Because kittens scratch, and Davd has tender skin

Annie asked
What is the Italian word for disgusting?
"La Marina"

Boob Lady asked
Why am I lactose intolerant?
Because life is unfair and cruel
Why doesn't that stop me from eating dairy?
Because you're a Bad Ass and you can take on anything!!
your motto: BRING IT ON

Nobody™ asked
Why wasn't I born smart instead of so damned good looking?
Don't ask why.. just enjoy it
good looking people are way cooler than smart people

Dick asked
The tag says "do not remove under penalty of law".
So what would happen if I removed the tag
(before I bought the merchandise). Could the store owner call 911
and have me arrested? How much jailtime? A year? Ten years?
Just for ripping off a tag????
It's not your tag to rip is it?? Is it Dick?? You can't just go
around ripping tags, but In your case Dick.. a plea of not guilty by
reason of insanity is entered and you walk free
Question 2
I sign out for a library book. I forget about the book. I realize
I have the book 30 years later and return it and don't pay the fine.
Do I go to jail? Does the library put a lien on my home?
Does my driver's license get revoked like they do if you
don't pay child support??
It all depends on the book.

Mel asked
Where was your I hate monday post this week?
I slacked this week.. and I figured you guys
must be growing tired of the monday sucks posts
Did you not hate monday this week?
I HATE ALL MONDAYS - always

Jerk of all trades asked
Is it too late to ask you a question?
it's never too late
Aw crap, does that count as my question?!
nope
I just asked two questions didn't I?
yep
Phuc'n.....that's three now isn't it?
that's okay
I'm just gonna stop talking now ok?
You don't have to