Friday, December 26, 2008

slack movie review


OKAY...
MOMENTS AGO
I JUST FINISHED WATCHING

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I didn't go see it when it came out because I had no interest
I knew they would never be able to pull it off
I avoided it... I read no reviews - I heard it wasn't that good
then I forgot about it
- Never actually knowing anything about the story line-

A few months back I had seen an episode of South Park

"The China Probrem" Episode 1208 (Original Air Date: Oct 8, 2008)
to be precise
In which Kyle is traumatized by memories of watching
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"
over the summer,
saying the movie essentially "raped" their action-hero icon.

I was curious - How bad is it?!?!
So I Netflixed it

But..
I don't think I was prepared for what I just saw

Here is my reaction:
*Shocked look on my face*

At the point when Shia Labeouf starts swinging
through the trees like a monkey

*Throw my hands up in the air*
"Oh, just shut it off!! - I don't think I'm gonna make it through
the entire thing, shut it off!! Shut it off!!"

BUT WE PRESSED ON...


"But how could they...?"
"But why would they...?"
"Noooo...?"
"Really??....REALLY???
"What were they thinking...?"
"WHY??!?!?! OH, FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY?!?!"

*ANGER*
**Spielberg & Lucas you no good sons of bitches!!!
I hope you're happy!!!!**


*Disgust * Sadness * Outrage*


As I slid the netflix disk back into
the envelope
I imagined a tear falling from my eye
in slow motion
dropping on the on to the dvd
just before I seal it shut


I'm sorry Indiana
I'm sorry they raped you.


What a piece of shit.





This has been a Casual Slack
Movie Review

Thank You & Drive Safe



7 comments:

Miss Alex said...

BAAAAHAHHAHAHA

Sans Pantaloons said...

I may never see it, along with The Sound of Music and Titanic.

If I remain lucky.

Annie said...

Wow. Riveting review. I can't wait to not see it.
:)
Hope you had a Merry Christmas friend.

kirby said...

You outlasted me, because I gave up after he jumped in the refrigerator and survived the atomic bomb test. Man, was that sucktackular.

Jen said...

oh man..
don't get me started on the
refrigerator / atomic bomb test!!!

Special K said...

I concur - Sucktacular.

Salt and Pepper said...

I had a very similar reaction to that movie. I also Netflixed it since I knew it would suck balls. I just didn't realize how badly it would suck. Sucktacular indeed!