Tuesday, January 20, 2009

wrong ones

So like I said...
I was really sick over the weekend

I could not keep food down
it was like a puke-a-thon

anyway
I ask my sweet, loving husband to make a run to the
supermarket for me
For 3 things
- Ginger Ale
- Gatorade
- Popsicles

I was very specific (as usual)
I said what brand of Ginger Ale
I said what flavor Gatorade
and most important - the Popsicles
"Listen to me carefully"
"I want the basic orange-grape-cherry Popsicles
and none of that twin pop bullshit
just the single Popsicle -- one stick"

He nods..

I wait anxiously.
Dehydrated and in great need of an ice cold, frozen miracle

so finally - he arrives home


I ask him to "Bring me a grape one... hurry
I am dying"

He hands it to me
it doenst look normal
rather pale in color...
I say "Are sure this is a basic grape Popsicle"
He acts all annoyed "YES!"

I taste it
It tastes like grape juice
real grape juice.. weak, watery, grape juice
Not KOOL AID fake GRAPE JUICE
l
ike Popsicles are supposed to taste like!!!
You KNOW what I'm talking about..

I said "No way is this a Normal Popsicle"
he runs to the freezer
and yells back "POPSICLE BRAND
I told you! You just like to complain about things"

Something was off...
But in my weakened condition I could not get off the couch to
investigate the matter further
I had to live with it.. for now

I sat disappointed..
Later that night I endured 2 more watery orangey flavored ones...
I thought to myself they must have changed the formula - But WHY!?

So a couple of days later - I have regained my strength...
I decide to see for myself
I open the freezer door
and there before me is this














Do you see it?

**NATURAL COLORS & FLAVORS**
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?!??!

Now - I'm all for healthy food..

BUT RIGHT NOW
I'm Dying...
This could be my last day on earth
I long for the chemical goodness of red #5 and high-fructose corn syrup
and he buys me "All Natural Popsicles"

Why didn't he buy me some brown rice
and hummus while he was at it?!

So I tell him LOOK!
This is what you bought??
You Bought the Wrong Ones!!
You Bought the Wrong Ones!!

and his reply..
brace yourself...

"THAT'S ALL THEY HAD"


you mean to tell me
out of the entire supermarket
they had only one type of Popsicles for sale?

In my 35 years on this planet
I have seen many a frozen food sections
and there's usually an ample variety of frozen novelties

Not just one lone box of healthy fucking ice sticks


Men pay no attention to detail..

I would not have made this mistake... not on my watch.


the end

14 comments:

M@ said...

All we can do is raise awareness.

Annie said...

Sigh.
I feel your pain.

But I have to say I probably would have brought home the brown rice and hummus. :D

Nobody™ said...

I was once an expert on frozen novelties when I worked in the frozen foods department of a grocery store. I can assure you that you are correct about the Popsicles.

But what I really want to know is, what flavor of Gatorade did you have? I always seem to prefer fruit punch when I'm not feeling well. Second would be orange.

Jen said...

lemon
I usually go with lemon
when I'm sick..

but fruit punch is good too
I also like the cool blue

I don't think I've
tried the orange yet

Jennfactor 10 said...

Next time I recommend smashing that popsicle and pouring 7-up over it. Not Slice, not Sierra Mist (is it Sierra Mist in RI, or is it region specific?). SEVEN UP.

My brother and I only got that when we were sick--made it almost worth it.

Jen said...

Jennfactor - that actually sounds
pretty awesome!
I shall try that next time with
some Sierra Mist..
I mean 7-up!!

teri said...

sometimes you really have to be there yourself to pick the right item and/or just stand there to think about it. Someone else won't think about it and get the wrong thing.

Your poor husband. May God bless him and keep him safe.

Grant Miller said...

There is only one flavor of popsicle and it is orange. All others are for communists.

You communist.

Joe said...

Um, you're just realizing now that we don't pay attention to details???
I can proudly say I haven't read or followed a set of instructions since I was, well, ever, really...

Miss Alex said...

Now this is a big statement but i'm going to say it. I don't think i've ever laughed so hard at one of you posts... this is brilliant and very my husband kind of bullshit

alybeth72 said...

I think your husband and my husband are of the same breed? Maybe they are distant relatives?

Scarlet said...

Natural! Natural!! Bring back the DDT laced ones.

Long live toxic food of our childhood.

mermade said...

Jen, I haven't commented in a looooong time, but I thought I would break my silence with this: I checked out the frozen food section at Ralph's today, because I was craving Popsicles. I thought of your post... and... I kid you not... the natural popsicles were all they had!

I was pissed...
I got rainbow sherbert instead...
But I left the store kinda pissed...

Jen said...

HAhahahahahahaa