Monday, July 31, 2006

At least 3 times per week
I wake up out of a sound sleep thinking that something is
crawling on me.

I keep one of those tap lights on my night stand so I can turn
the light on instantly

I’ll be half asleep and I pull all the covers off the bed
in search of what I “think” is crawling on me
Sometimes I get out of bed turn the over head light on,
pull all the pillows off, shine a flashlight on the floor...

My husband is so use to it.
He just says - there’s nothing there, go to sleep!
then he rolls over while I search the bed
for spiders with my heart pounding out of my chest.
Eventually I snap out of it and realize it was a dream.

In actuality it’s just the ceiling fan
blowing a piece
of my hair across my face...

unfortunately in sleep mode my brain turns it into panic

So last night around 11:00 I wake up .. Knowing For sure that
THIS TIME a spider is on me for REAL
I turn the light on, Fling off all the blankets

THEN proceed to violently hit the bed with my fist
trying to kill what ever I thought was on me
right in between my pillow and my husbands pillow

My husband sat up stunned (usually I don’t punch the bed violently)
Asking WHAT? WHAT ? WHAT ? What’s wrong...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING??
There’s nothing there! Go to sleep. Then he pulled the covers back

I told him that THIS TIME it's REAL!
I swear something was on me. I know something was on me!

He ignored me and went back to sleep
(I know, I couldn't believe it either)

I did this 2 more times during the night the third time I realized
okay maybe nothing is there..

I feel bad that I torture my husband like this.
It must be extremely unpleasant to be woken up in this fashion...

I'm mental - what can I say?


But I do recommend the tap light
it's very handy

16 comments:

Lynda said...

He may start to request separate rooms. hahaha.

Anonymous said...

I think it's time for soem Zoloft

Poor Tim!!

Zed said...

Jen, start having little talks with yourself BEFORE bed. Tell yourself there is NO spider in your bed, that you'll be able to sleep peacefully through the night without awaking until morning because there is NO spider, and that it's a little lie you've told yourself (which is true!). There's no spider. Oh, and use moisturizer on your legs because your legs are dry and that's why you think something's crawling on them.

This sound advice will cost you $225 cash or your computer.

Angel said...

Hmm were you tortured in the past with creepy crawlies?

Jim said...

I hate spiders and feel your pain. Although, this behaviour does sound a bit extreme.hahaha Poor Tim indeed! But I feel your pain, Jen.

We were watching TV last night and I moved down to the floor cause my back was hurting (weird, workin 75hrs/week in front of a computer somehow hurts your back). Anyway, I'm lying on the floor (we're on the 2nd floor in the city btw) and Kitty's behaviour catches my attention. I roll my head to the right and lock eyes with a spider just inches from my face!!! Thankfully, my wife has been coachign me over the many years to behave in a semi-manly manner when confronted with demon spawned beasts like spiders. So I was able to curb my sissy fears, scoop it up with a comic (yes one was nearby as I am a dork) and tossed it outside. Sounds silly, but it was pretty crazy. I mean, that spider was alost the size of my pinky nail!!!

Not as bad as the other time where I felt a rogue hair on the back of my neck, reached back to move it and came back with a large spider on my hand. I don't remember anything else, but the nice doctors at the institute said its normal not to remember anything after such a tramatic experienc and that my memory could return at any moment.

Perhaps sharing these stories with you isn't the best thing to do. Sleep tight tonight! ;)

Jen said...

Zed - I think they are crawling on my face.. not the legs my face isn't dry. So there goes the moisturizer theory... lol

I'll only pay if this advice works.. so stay tuned.
haha

Angel - Once when I live with my parents. (in the country lots of big big spiders) I was sleeping... and I woke up - the moonlight was coming through my window and right there staring at me was a Huge ass spider
just sitting there on my bed next to my pillow. I jumped up.. it ran
I spent two hours pulling stuff out from under my bed searching for it. I finally found it and smashed it.
I slept on the couch for a week after that.

This MAY have something to do with my paranoia...!


Jim - you tossed it outside?? you're Brave! If I see them outside I just run in the other direction, I spare them from the SMASH!
But when the demon spawn are in the house on my turf... they must die.

Dick Small said...

Well, it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not the only one out there who's delusional. I feel MUCH better.

Zed said...

Spiders don't WANT to crawl on your face. They want to live peaceful, happy lives in their webs. It was an anomaly that this occurred. It's NOT going to happen again. Imagine yourself sleeping peacefully throughout the night.

If you believe it, it will happen. THOUGHT:NO SPIDERS = REALITY:NO SPIDERS

Free advice, this afternoon only. New fees posted tomorrow a.m.

Bumpkyn said...

I too hate spiders, they are nasty and scary. I must confess though that I am on your husbands side, my husband talks in his sleep. I usually find it quite amusing, I talk back to him, ask questions and encourage more talking..is that wrong?

Although once he thought he got shot in his sleep and made me turn on the light to look at all the blood. Ahh to see the look of complete shock on his face when
A) there was no blood
and
B) that I just turned over and went back to sleep.

Mel said...

I think this is normal behavior...I always check under my covers for spiders. Listen, I am not crazy I saw a documentary on the discovery channel years ago and it showed a black widow under someone covers! Now, I know the camera man probably put in there for the shot but I am scarred for life because of it. Some spiders like to hide in dark places!!

I feel your pain. I hate spiders more than I hate george W. Thats alot.

kattbanjo said...

Seriously jen I have the same problem!I do exaclty the same thing! I jump up screaming and turn on the light and shake the covers. Sometimes its spiders and sometimes its a man standing by my bed...My hub is soo used to it now he sleeps through. I have at least one a night. Someitmes more. I have a prescription for Klonopin because the nightmares are soo bad. And REALLY vivid. I can totally realte. you're not crazy. They are called "Night Terrors". They are suposedly only in children but a small group of adults have it too. Ive never found anyone else who has them. Google the term and you will find a few websites for adults who suffer with it.

That may not make you feel better that I have them too....I know how it feels though. It's really terrible those first few seconds that you wake up from one...

Jen said...

Thanks Guys


I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Jackass Jenn said...

My biggest fear in life is one day, randomly, I'll come face to face with a trantula. Then it happened. At a friend's wedding and me in a bridesmaid's gown and totally illprepared. Luckily I had a littler bridesmaid to throw at it.

Another time I came home to find a spider in my apt. I waited outside in the bed of my truck reading until neighbor came home to kill it.

I too have woken up or startled myself to thinking something is on me...I say beat the fucking bed to death, tim too if he gets in the way. He ought to beat the bed too, out of support. True love means following the object of your affection into their insanity.

Jen said...

>>He ought to beat the bed too, out of support. True love means following the object of your affection into their insanity.<<

HAAhahahaHAHAHA
I LOVE THAT!!
LOL
Thanks Jenn

Your Girl Friday said...

It's happened to me before... but there really was a spider there!

Years ago, I was living with my dad in a little house that backed on to a lovely stream - So many gorgeous trees, birds, ducks and flowers. I loved it.

Then, of course the government decided to build a great big fucken freeway through the beautiful creek. they drained it, knocked down the trees and destroyed the natural habitat of the animals.

Poor things.

Where did all the little creatures go you ask?? My freaking bedroom!!!

They had to move somewhere, and we ended up with a a great big family of mice, parrots, rats, snakes, ducks, possums and you guessed it SPIDERS living in our backyard and some actually made it into the house!

So this horrible feeling of waking up with something creepy crawling on you, was a regular orrurence around my place. Usually nothing more than a harmless huntsman spider... but when all was quiet at night time, I could hear all the creepy crawlies coming out to play.

I used to wear big gumboots to hang the washing out, afraid something would jump out and latch on to my ankle!

I NEVER got used to it... and as soon as I turned 18, I was OUT OF THERE!!!

Dad still lives there, but after thousands of dollars of pest control later... lives peacefully in his little cottage, with one of the ducks that never moved out. We named him George.

Jen said...

Your Girl Friday-

I just googled huntsman spider...

OMG

if I woke up with that on me..
I would have to be hospitalized!!!

Aussies are way tougher than Americans
HAHA!!