Tuesday, January 08, 2008

all true

Favorite quotes
from my in-laws
over the years


My husband's grandmother-
We're sitting on a deck having a drink... Grandma is sitting next to
me
she looks over and says "oh dear, you're so pale
(then she makes the "tisk tisk" sound)

You're so pale & sickly looking. When I was your age I always had
a healthy tan"

- yeah.. I guess that would explain the skin cancer you had
hacked off your nose last month..


My husband's grandmother-

When he was dating me his grandmother said to him
"Watch out for those Italian girls.. they steal."


- Just for the record... I don't steal



Father in law-
Christmas eve party, crowded room - my allergies were bothering
me that day.. so my eyes were tearing
. Dad walks by me with beer in hand..
he stops and looks at me - I smile - then he says in the loudest voice possible

"You look like SHIT" then he walks away


- This coming from a man who wears his pants pulled up to his neck...


Mother in law-
"Talk about Italians.. we have a real life one next door"

- You don't say! A real life I - Talian? WOW!
Does the theme to the Soprano's come on every time he leaves his house??>!?!


Brother in Law-
We're at his house.. he's sitting in his recliner, his girlfriend brings
in a fork, knife & plate
for his dinner then she leaves the room..
he looks at my husband and says - "see this.."
pointing to his plate ..
"this is what's it's all about."
(meaning his wife waits on him)
"You better think about that before you get married"

(I was sitting right next to him.)


- I haven't seen my brother in law in 6 or 7 years and I'm not complaining


Mother in Law-
We're at her house for breakfast.. she made ham (jen doesn't eat ham)
the only other option
is some french toast that's practically raw in the
middle.. I ask in an ever so polite voice
"Could I just have a piece of toast?"
**Long dramatic pause** followed by Irritated Look
Mom replies..
"NO, the bread is to thick"


-ummmmm the bread is too thick?? ever hear of a fucking Knife???
SO I had to sit there and watch everyone eat... can't you feel the love?


Mother in Law-

It's Christmas - After opening many meat related gifts
(meat spice kit, meat injector, barbecue kit - did I mention I don't eat meat? - yeah)
on a side note : I always refer to this Christmas as "the year of meat"
Now It's time for the BIG gift - My mother in law hands it to us and says
"Now remember - this is for the both of you" - it was a socket set..



- Yeah, thanks a fucking bunch







Mother in Law-

It's my husbands Birthday - Mom comes over and hands him some
cupcakes - then says
"You'll have to pick the dirt out of them - they tipped
over in the car and fell on the floor"

- Are you kidding me????????



I am truly blessed
having these
special people in my life
Don't you think ?




20 comments:

Teri said...

Now I know why you have the "ihatemyinlaws" link on the sidebar.

Damn. I was actually wondering if people like this existed.

How come I never picked up that you don't eat meat?

Dick Small said...

A socket set... hahahahaa.
For the both of you... hahahahaaa.

Jen said...

teri - I dunno
I think I said it before
not sure

Dick - Wanna borrow some sockets?
I have some if you need 'em

Dick Small said...

Well, just so you know, when I "borrow" things they don't always get returned...

mixednut said...

Holy crap Jen. I feel your pain. I thought my ex in-laws were bad. Your husband can't get some clean cupcakes from his own mother? Yikes!

Anonymous said...

"Meat related gifts"--classic!

Oh Jenster...my fellow Italiano. Much of this reminds me of my family. I brought a date home, she was Creole, and after she left my mom said, "Well, she's nice, but I think you should date girls that are lighter!"

OoooKaaayyy

I just got royally stuffed by my family Sunday night. My sister is visiting from NY and I called all week to find a time to get together before she left Monday. Sunday my dad called and said they didn't want me to come to dinner. They didn't feel comfortable.

OoooKaaayyy

I should blog on this crap as well. Maybe it will bring as much delight as I had reading about your meat related gifts!

Oh...Groover here. I hate logging in.

coffeypot said...

You should have told Brother-in-Law, “That may be what it’s all about, but my man will never have to worry if I have spit in his food, or dropped a dingle berry in it.”

Annie said...

Classic. I knew they were bad, but man oh man, now I understand.

Alex said...

I could just picture your brother in law on the chair with that fork and knife... hilairous...

e.Craig Crawford said...

Oh my! I don't believe you're making this up either. You certainly have been blessed. ;-)

Sans Pantaloons said...

A torque wrenching story.

Nobody™ said...

Can I have the socket set?

And you have mentioned here more than once that you don't eat meat. Teri must have been goofing off that day.

Special K said...

Holy Hell!

I say it again, Holy Hell!

I hereby volunteer to assist in any ass-kickings.

cube said...

Holy crap. My in laws are saints compared to yours.

Tanya Espanya said...

Do they eat Nutella?

Scarlet said...

OMG!! I feel so sorry for you Jen.

Now I know why they gave you a torch as a present.

"It's a magic stick that gives forth light!"

p.s. Before you got married, did you ask to see his adoption papers?

Lynda said...

OMG! Your in-laws might very well be worse than my MIL. Though my MIL would totally give us a socket set for Christmas, for the both of us.

Dale said...

Wow, I can hardly wait for the movie! What's that you say? :-)

Debbie said...

Jen could it be you? I can't imagine, your brother in law being like that he is such a sweet person I know you just miss him so.
I will tell him next time I see him. And I'm sure his wife wants to go shopping with you I will talk to her for you.

Jen said...

Debbie - Maybe you're right..
It is me... I am a terrible person
I hope there's still a chance
to reconcile with these fine people

amen.