Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A letter to..

And now an open letter to all those people
over the age of 12

who SCREAM at haunted houses / hayrides / etc.

Hi there,
I wanted to take moment to talk to you folks
about the "screaming" that goes on at Halloween Recreational Facility's

I have visited few haunted houses in my younger days.. they were fun when I was 7
I don't go to them now because I have better things to do
and frankly I can't bare to even be around you people

Last night I saw a TV show all about extreme haunted houses
an it annoyed me in such a tremendous way
it led me to do this post...


See that kid...
the 16 year old with the mask and the fake blood he got at Walmart
well... he's not REALLY going to kill you

I know, I know...
It seems SO real with that plastic machete an all
but trust me - you're not gonna die
he's a paid actor - I'm serious...

I know you can never be 100% sure that there isn't a real
axe murderer in the mix - but the odds are slim

You don't have to be THAT scared
maybe a little but startled... hell, you can even be a bit apprehensive, anxious or
frightened.. but all the ear piercing, blood curdling screaming.. yeah that's gotta stop
Your over dramatics sicken me...

So please - I'm gonna need you to take it down a notch on the decibels meter
You're annoying the shit out of me and I'm not even there


@ casual slack


2 fools said...

Dear Jen:

Your underestimation of the psychologically purging value a blood-curdling scream has to one's chi is, quite frankly, shocking. Where else can you go to just "let it all out"? You can't go to the bathroom at the Wal-Mart, or the church confessional and start squeeling at the top of your lungs, can you? No. So perhaps instead of complaining (especially when you're NOT EVEN THERE!) you should say a prayer of thanks to the almighty ruler of heaven and earth (L.L. Cool J)that you don't have to put up with this bellowing in places you go everyday (KFC, Salvation Army, Fashion Bug Plus).
*kisses! - Angela

Jen said...


Anonymous said...

I'm just happy the Damn snipers didn't get me when thay were toolin around the greater D.C. vicinity 5 years ago....Hell I know those bastards drove right by me in-between the Aspen Hill gas station and the Kensington gas station and they had already taken out a guy mowing by White Flint Mall that morning! Whew! I was mowing that morning as well right on the road they were shootin folks on!

2 fools said...


You have a horseshoe up your ass, which apparently works better than government issued kevlar.

Consider yourself lucky.

2 fools said...

BTW - Once I had a Strawberry Shortcake pencil topper that smelled like strawberries. Someone tried to trade me for a Sour Grapes pencil topper, but I said no.

Jen said...

did you get it at
the windsor button shop?

2 fools said...

No, actually - I got it at Zayre and I believe Tracy Masse made me steal it along with a whole palette of makeup for her. I saw her recently at Newport Creamery... she looks like a hundred year old hag.

You know what they say...what comes around, goes around...and she sure looks like she's gone around quite a few times.


Mel said...

hahahaha!!! Lots of people annoy when I am not even there LOL.

This is a classic post :)

I thought Jay Z was the almighty ruler@!!?? Although I bet Kanye thinks he should have the job.

Lynda said...

There is always the off chance the 16 year old teenage kid might accidentally hang himself.