Monday, September 25, 2006

email from my friend

My friend Angela
Sent me this email this morning
& you guys know
I like to share the funny ones with you

so here it is....

enjoy



Hey Friend,

How was your weekend? Mine was fabulous!

I left work at about 1:30 on Friday after calling my O.B. to tell her
that I couldn’t keep any food or water down for days. She sent me to Women
& Infants hospital because I needed to be “hydrated”. Well, I knew it was
going to be lots of fun when the triage nurse asked me to pee in a cup and
looks at my pee and says, “You are pregnant...you really need to drink more
fluids...your urine is orange.” I said, “Uh, yeah - I would drink more
fluids, if it didn’t come right back out.” She said, “MMm hmm.” Like, what
the does this bitch think? I’m lying? The real story is I’m trying to kill
my unborn child by depriving it of food or water... *sigh* Anyway... I get
to this room called, the “Annex” which is where they hydrate you while
you’re waiting to see the doctor. So - I get in there and the nurse says,
“Okay, we’re going to start your IV” - I said, “Yeah, okay - can I get
something to puke in?” She’s like, “Oh yeah, okay...”
So, here she comes with this hollow point harpoon and can’t find a vein, so
she proceeds to DIG for one while the needle is still in my arm. “Are you
okay?” says Marie, the nurse. “Oh, yes! yes, I’m fine, this is delightful,
perhaps when you’re done you could do the other arm??” So, although I didn’t
actually say that, my expression did, so she got someone else to poke. This
guy was a one-shot-annie! He searched high and low for a vein and when he
found it, he stabbed me like a god damned raped ape. I wish I carried my
digital camera around like you do, so I could show you the black and blue
prize on my arm. So, if that wasn’t enough, they’re now going to put some
anti-nausea medication into my IV...they do and like an hour later (as I’m
vomiting into a teeny pink kidney shaped bowl) the nurse says lovingly, “How
we doin? Is that medicine workin for ya?” Yeah, lady, it’s totally kicking
ass. So they go and get another medication called “Reglin”.
(Remind me to put this on my list of allergies.)
She shoots it directly into my IV andwithin seconds, I’m like 400 degrees,
broken out in hives and stripping my clothes off
all while standing up and sitting down like 45 times. It was
like that shit you see on Cops where the guys on PCP. The nurse is like,
“Ohhh yer havin’ a reaction to that, I’m going to get you some Benadryl”.
So, it takes them two shots of Benadryl to get me to sit the fuck down and
put my clothes back on. Once this whole ordeal is over with, I’m finally
able to eat some crackers and drink some juice. So, while I’m waiting to be
discharged, there’s a young girl to my right named, “Lateesha” who is in the
annex to have her baby’s heartbeat monitored. All you can see from the
other side of the curtain is these feet in these black fluffy slippers and
all you can hear is this LOUD chewing and crunching (mouth wide open) and I
look at my boyfriend and in complete disgust and he says, “Yeah and her feet
stink, too” HAHAHA. Moments later, Lateesha’s mom walks in with Lateesha’s
maybe 10 month old son, who is totally soaked, dripping boogers out of his
nose and CRYING! BAAAAAAAHHHH! WAHHHHHHH!.
The Vietnamese nurse is yelling at her (in her Vietnamese Accent)
“When’s the la tum you chanja dis baby?
He got a rass ol ava hess ahss! You needa chanja dis baby evy two owa!”
Lateesha says: “Sheeit! He pees A LOT! I went through 2 packs of diapers this month!,
that’s a lot!” So, does that mean we let the kids sit in his own filth because diapers are
expensive? Maybe you should have some MORE kids since you’re doing such a
bang-up job, Lateesha. Oh wait a minute...you’re due any day now! I wonder
if she thinks that Once this one's born - this will cut down on her diaper bill?
The moral of this story?
People suck, then they pass it down to their offspring.

Ahh well - fuggit.

write back

7 comments:

Ellie said...

OMG!!!!!
That is awful...the poor thing. I went through the same thing. Lost 15 pounds in my 2nd month.
They gave me this stuff called Zolfran. It is what they give kemo patients when they can't hold anything down. Tell her to see if her insurance covers it. Then she needs to go see a Thyroid specialist...she could be all outta wack.

Much luv to your friend!

2 fools said...

LOL! Yeah, that is what I am taking Zofran. Got it right here on my desk. It IS for chemo patients! You are right! :( Thank God I don't have cancer.

Thanks for the well-wishes.

kim said...

Angela, Congrats on the baby... I hope you feel better soon

Dick Small said...

"He got a rass ol ava hess ahss! You needa chanja dis baby evy two owa!” hahahahahahahhaaaaaahah
hahahahah!!!!!

Dick Small said...

Hahahahaa!!

Zed said...

Haaha!

Annie said...

Wow. Sounds terrible Angela. Hope it gets better from this point on. I does'nt sound like it could get any worse!