Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Guest Post

And now ladies & gentlemen
a guest post from Mr. Dick Small

Miss Jen has asked me to do a "guest post",
and I'm SO honored.
Usually I'm asked NOT to show up, so this is certainly
a thrill for me, let me tell you! I didn't know what to post,
so I thought I'd introduce you to a few of my family members.

This is a picture of my nephews: Rob and Bob,
and my nephew Todd. They all live in Kentucky.

Rob and Bob work at Radio Shack.
They've been there since high school.
We actually didn't think they'd be able to keep a job for this long,
but it seems to suit them.
They are the sons of my cousin Cletus and his wife Starla.
I don't see much of them these days.

Todd has worked for several years as a Walmart Greeter.
He's been doing it for about 6 years now.
He's a son of Cletus and Starla also.
He has a slight amphetamine dependency, but in a way it's
been a blessing because he's able to work double shifts alot.
He's such a good kid!

Once again Jen, I want to thank you for allowing me
to participate on your blog. Big hug!!


Rapunzel said...

My goodness! That Mister Dick Small sure has quite a way with words and pictures! I nearly fell off my chair with that post!! I'm still in hysterics! I think I laughed my ass off. I'll definitely need to apply more eyeliner and mascara, since the tears have washed it all away and it's running down my cheeks like Tammy Faye Baker!! He's great! I think I want to have his baby!!

Mister Gravely said...

Oh REALLY now??? Well, princess, it'll be hard to have his baby once my pitchfork changes him from a rooster to a hen when I'm through with that no good grubby dog fingered animal.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Can you ask your nephews why they ask for my phone number when I buy batteries?

Teri said...

That was brilliant Dick. You have such a great looking family.

Mr. Fab, I think they want your number because you're fabulous and so well known. They've heard of your exploits and probably want to talk with you more about them and yourself of course.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Teri!

Doctor Mom™ said...

So, are your cousins your aunt and uncle too? And are your cousins, "cousins" or do they call their parents Auntie Mom and Uncle Dad?

Anonymous said...

Todd also happens to be my nephew. And my husband. And my second cousin.

Lorraine said...

Ahhh Dick, you have such a lovely family :)...hey they work hard, I'm sure much, much harder than anybody else. So YĆ© Dick Family !!!

Anonymous said...

So Amy, we're family! That's WONDERFUL! Um, since we're family, would you happen to have a hundred bucks I could borrow 'till Friday??

2 fools said...

Dick...this is a true story. Only the names have been changed. See if you can follow it. My aunt ("Shanayay" we'll call her) is married to this guy we'll call "Pal" (he has a terrible OCD and his hands shake constantly). Pal has an alcoholic son named "Veal" who has a sister named "Sissy". Sissy is totally insane and sits at the kitchen table taking names out of the phone book and calling people accusing them of being child molesters, and when she's not doing that she is staring at the wall talking to it...full on conversations. Sissy is not Pal's daughter, but rather his BROTHER'S daughter, but Pal raised her as his own. However, Sissy and Veal have the same mother. That makes them sibling-cousins... hm... I used to wonder why Sissy went insane. I used to think it was because my father, who also lives in the house with Pal and Shananay, hits on her constantly... but I'm thinking maybe now that's not it. How do you like that shit? Needless to say I don't go over much. I'm trying to convince the producers of the Osbournes to put them on reality TV. It's like a trainwrech, you just can't turn away.

Zed said...

Dick, that was possibly the BEST post I have ever read. It was moving, touching and funny at the same time, and halfway through I cried just a bit.

What a remarkable family you have! Not only are they attractive, but it is clear they are very, very, very, very, very, very smart as well.

Anonymous said...

Dick... would you look at who my husband is? Do you really think I've ever had a hundred bucks in my life?

Anonymous said...

2F, MY that WAS confusing, but I was able to follow SOMEwhat. I don't blame you at all for not visiting much. Now that explains why some chick called me last week accusing me of being a child molestor. At least I now know who it was. Definitely beats the Osbornes. Thanks!

Zed, thank you so much for that totally insincere and sarcastically barbed compliment. You live alone, right??

Anonymous said...

That's okay Amy. I'll take $50. I'm not proud.

Zed said...

I DID cry, Dick. I DID! And laugh. But I cried more.