Thursday, November 30, 2006


Richard Simmons'
Exploding Steamer

watch it here

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

they really do care

the big tobacco companies really do care..
they care about ME
When I got home today
there was a box in the mail with my name on it...
(Imagine my excitement)

It was from Marlboro
It was a personal ashtray - designed just FOR ME
that's right... just for me

It's okay to be jealous... not everyone
can have a personal horseshoe ashtray...
isn't it stunning!
I'm tempted to take up smoking just so I can
use this gorgeous ashtray

It's a showpiece... a collectible... a family heirloom
and it's mine - Thank you Marlboro

They even included a kind note...
"Happy Birthday from your friends at Marlboro"
They remembered... They remembered my birthday
so what if my birthday was two week ago..
it doesn't matter - it's the thought that counts

Do I smoke? Nope
about 2 years ago, a friend (who smokes like a chimney) gave me all of his miles
>Marlboro use to have "miles" on the side of every pack
you could save them and use them to get free stuff from their catalog<
so I sent them in
and got a nifty weather radio - like this...

And I am still on their mailing list as you can see

I will cherish my horseshoe personal ashtray
for the rest of my life..
or I will throw it in the trash
I haven't decided..

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I like it

Swedish Fish


Who's with me
on this?

it's all about Festivus

Festivus For The Rest Of Us
Celebrated: December 23rd
Meal: Whatever you Want (the Costanzas have Spaghetti)

Main elements of Festivus
• The Festivus Pole
• Festivus Dinner
• The Airing of Grievances
• The Feats of Strength
it's all right here

Festivus Poles Available Here

cool shirt here


Who loves you, baby?

The 100 top TV catchphrases? D'oh!
go here

Tell me which one is your fave?
- "Don't make me angry ..."

Tuesday Work Sucks Haiku

And Now...
the Tuesday Work SUCKS Haiku

I'm Sick & Tired

Same Old Shit Everyday
Please Fire Me Now - Thanks

Thank You
If you have an I Hate Work Haiku Please Post as a Comment.

- the first line five syllables
- the second line seven syllables
- the third line five syllables

Monday, November 27, 2006

Stop-Motion Animation

- You Gotta Love Rankin & Bass -

Who is Rankin Bass you ask?
The company that produced the stop-motion animated
Christmas specials such as...
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in 1964

I would wait all year to watch
these christmas specials
now kids can get them on DVD and watch them
as much as they want!!

When I was a kid I always wished I could live in that
Christmas town.. with the talking reindeer and the happy
tree decorating squirrels & birds
admit it... It looked like an ideal place to live

Hell.. I would have even lived on the
Island of Misfit Toys - I wasn't Picky
Although that misfit girl doll & charlie in the box
- might have gotten on my nerves after a while.
And I would have had to put a stop to all that annoying singing

Anyway.. it never worked out, I didn't get to move there
I heard there was a huge waiting list... and
You gotta know somebody on the inside to get a spot
Pffffft... whatever

These are 2 of the actual restored
original stop-motion puppets of Santa and Rudolph
used in the 1964 Rankin/Bass holiday special
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

>>There are very few left in existence The materials used were flexible
and sprayed down with a type of flock to avoid reflection for filming purposes.
The Spray had some acidity to it and eventually would cause the figure(s)
to deteriorate over time. Some do still exist in private collections<<

How cool would it be to own this??
How friggin cool???
I want it.. I want it.. I want it..
**If there are any millionaires out there who would like to buy
these for me.. I would really, really appreciate it - thanks!**

famous people rants

The Top Ten
Most Damaging
Celebrity Rants...

are here

You're glib. You don't even
know what Ritalin is..Pfffft


it's Monday...
Make Me Sad.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

I never got it

Everybody has something that they wanted for
Christmas when they were a kid
and never got..

Well.. unless you were a spoiled little bastard and got everything you wanted

Here's my toy that never was...
The infamous Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine
Circa 1983

I wanted it bad. But did I get it? - No

"You drop an ice cube in and get a snow cone out
yum yum fun is what its all about."

But I guess I'll never know if the
"yum yum fun" is really what it was all about...

What did YOU want for Christmas
but never got?

Saturday, November 25, 2006


My Pal Andy from
Sans Pantaloons
made me another Slacktastic Ad!

You can't not love this...
You're jealous - admit it.

A note to Ferris

Dear Ferris,
I just saw that trailer to your new movie again...

What the hell were you thinking?
You're were Ferris Bueller for christ's sake
Have you no shame??

This movie looks so lame..
I thought you were better than this.

You're dead to me.

Friday, November 24, 2006

it's Friday

It's Friday
and I don't give a shit..
it feels like Monday
today sucks

<-- This guys pic pretty much sums up
the kind of day I am having. Poor me.


sent me this

I Am An Actor
Part 1

watch it here

I see Funny Series Potential... - What do you think?


I went to Social Security today
to change my name - because they wouldn't
renew my drivers license...

I brought with me the following documents:
• My Drivers License with my married name
• My Birth Certificate
• A copy of my Marriage Certificate
• A copy of my Paycheck
• A Car Registration with both my maiden name
& married name on it

The woman looks at me and says
"I can't use your marriage certificate because it's a copy"
(Of course, I lost my original)

"I can't use your birth certificate - because it was issued to
you when you were born and that doesn't count"
**WHAT?? What the fuck does that even mean?!?!?!?

"And we DO NOT accept car registrations either..."

THEN she says
"we need to see a recent document with your maiden name"

she then says - "well do you have any old medical records
or something like a 5th grade report card??"


yes mam...

GONE MAD??????



Am I The Only Person Who
Has to Work Today?

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


He's not supposed to be up there...
and he knows this

but he doesn't care - he's a rule breaker


I just got back from the DMV
I went to one that is inside of a mall..
well if you can call it a mall, most of the stores went out of business
so It's like a big empty building with 3 or 4 stores

so we walk in and get a number.. our number is 170
they are currently on number 138... **SIGH**

So we wait...
and wait...

In walks this old man & his wife
and he's pushing a Walmart Shopping Cart
the cart was empty except for his cane
he's wearing a nasty looking baseball hat with a "Dickies" logo
A shiny purple jacket with a gold collar
and his name written on the front "Frankie"
His wife is walking in-front of him and she's talking REALLY LOUD
and she tells him they are on number 152
he replies.. WHAT?

THEY ARE ON NUMBER 152 ...1.....5......2

he replies.. WHAT?

people sitting in the waiting area yell to him: 152

he replies.. WHAT?

the wife points to the big lit up sign that reads 152
he mumbles something an proceeds to walk right up to the counter
with his shopping cart
and get this.. THEY WAITED ON HIM

oh.. don't mind all of us other assholes
waiting for our numbers to be called.. go right ahead sir
What the fuck!!!!!!!

So after my 45 minutes wait they finally they call 170
woo hoooooooo

I go up to the counter and here is the
conversation that followed:

Me: "Hi, I'm just renewing .. my correct address is written on the
back because I moved"

DMV woman: "I'll need proof of that"

Me: Here's my registration

DMV woman: "that's fine" *typing* type.. type type type*
Mrs. "Slack" did we get married and not change our name with social security??
We need to change our name"

Me: *Confused / Baffled Look*
"umm uh.. what? that's my name.. on the license"

DMV woman: "Your name on your license doesn't match the name
on social security. Do you have you card with you?"

Me: "I haven't seen my social security card since 1989"

DMV woman: "well then your social security card must still have your
maiden name on it"

Me: "But my license already has my married name on it"

DMV woman: "It has to match.. I can't give you your license
You have to go to social security fill out forms then wait 24 hours
before returning to the DMV"

Me: Horrified / Confused look on my face-"... I what?"

DMV woman: "You have to go to social security fill out forms then wait
24 hours before returning to the DMV"

Me: "I want to kill myself"

DMV woman: *Just stares at me for a second*
then says "Well...Here.. I'll give you a 'front of the line pass'
(the I want to kill myself line must have hit a nerve)
and proceeds to scribble on tiny white piece of paper"
"good for any day after 2:00"

It doesn't even look legitimate.. It looks like I wrote it
for Christ's sake! This isn't a pass... It better work!!!

DMV woman: smiles.. "have a good night"

Me: "OKay.. thanks .. you too"

I'll have a great fucking night after waiting 45 minutes for nothing!
Now I have an expired license and a headache! THANKS!!!

Does anyone know where the social security office is?
because I sure the hell don't..

Oh.. and I'm sure it's only open while I'm at WORK
And I'm sure I'll have to PAY to change my name!

Perhaps if I brought a shopping cart things
would have been different...
I have a New Addiction... and it's Called Zero

three-minute tirade

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Kramers Tirade
In case you missed it..

is here

Tuesday Work Sucks Haiku

And Now...
the Tuesday Work SUCKS Haiku

No Day Off for Me
I Have to Work on Friday
It Sucks to Be Me!

Thank You
If you have an I Hate Work Haiku Please Post as a Comment.

- the first line five syllables
- the second line seven syllables
- the third line five syllables


Monday, November 20, 2006


Lynda's Idea... and A Fine Idea it was!

Model- Dick Small

what year

Apparently I belong in the Year
1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart.
Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.

What Year Do You Belong In?

Tenant Time

Field Trip
It's Tenant Time - This Weeks Tenant is

We'll be traveling to Maryland this time kids

I drove through Maryland once
We were coming home from Kentucky (14 hr drive straight thru)
but we stopped for Pizza in Maryland..
I was only in Maryland for about 30 minutes
So I can't tell you too much about this state other than describing the pizza hut

As always - refreshments will be served
Immediately following your visit

In honor of Maryland there will be Crab Cakes prepared & served
by Cal Ripken Jr.

The usual Cookies... and since the state drink is "Milk"
Several Varieties will be made available, Chocolate,
Coffee, Strawberry & Chocolate Soy

**Clamato Juice available upon request

Okay, let's all go visit

See where it says
This Weeks Tenant - Top Right
Click That - Click it!! Click it!!


Sunday, November 19, 2006


I had grilled white pizza tonight...

What did you have?


The Great & Talented Andy from
Sans Pantaloons
made me this Slacktastic Ad!

What do you think.. do you love it?

Friday, November 17, 2006

I like it

I love this show...
Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe

The Monkey Rehab Center Episode was just on...

I highly recommend it

- just sayin'


Here's something to put
you in the "Holiday Mood"

Shane Sings
A Holly Jolly Christmas
Very well I might add... (okay not really)
includes his "trumpet voice" at the end
watch it


You know what day it is...

Thursday, November 16, 2006


I know you guys have
probably been depressed
because I haven't posted
any Nornna in a while...
So This is for YOU!!
nornna 1
nornna 2


Dynda.. I mean Lynda made Jerry Famous!
it's true... Black Cats just understand me

November is Lung Cancer Awareness month.
Lynda's sister, Laurianne, died of non-smoking related
lung cancer in 2005.
Please visit :
for more information.

Please visit her blogs: - Lynda's Great Journey - Laurianne's Hope

coffee guy

This morning I was getting my coffee
and the kid waiting on me kept making that sound..
you know that snorting mustering up phlegm..
I'm about to
spit sound...
yeah it was really appetizing

He looked sorta like this guy..
hair net, sideburns
only he was much more
pale and thin.. had a lot more hair
and dark circles under his eyes

And when he wasn't making the phlegm sound
he was standing there with a blank expression
and his mouth hanging open
- He's a real catch

the Office

Don't Miss
the Office
Jim's Back...

The Scranton branch and the Stamford branch of Dunder-Mifflin
are merged, bringing old friends Jim and Pam back together after
months apart. Michael and Dwight and the other employees
deal with the changes.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

panic defined

the definition of sheer panic:
Realizing that seven days have gone by
and you forgot to take your birth control pills


How the Fuck did I forget to take it 7 days in a row

What am I on crack???
Where is my brain???

I mean.. I have forgotten one or two
here and there
but entire week..

and don't think for one goddamned second
it was some "subconscious" type move on my part..
No way in hell.

But thankfully.. by some great miracle
all the gods convened.. and they decided to cut me some slack

dodged yet another bullet once again!

I will never forget again... ever..ever ever


I received this in the mail yesterday
from my friend Angela

We've been friends since 5th grade...
and we've ALWAYS
shared the same twisted sense of humor

the envelope

the card

the muppets keychain

the "Stickety-Doo-Da" Thanksgiving Stickers