new

PFFT BRANDS INC. PRESS RELEASE

happy halloween

Tuesday Work Sucks Haiku

And Now...
the Tuesday
Work SUCKS Haiku!

I've only known you a week
New salesman... he's so shady
Stop taking my gum


Thank You
If you have an I Hate Work Haiku Please Post as a Comment.

- the first line five syllables
- the second line seven syllables
- the third line five syllables

not good

I was just thinking...
candy corn sucks
It looks like it would taste good
but it doesn't

it's a foul tasting, waxy,
sugary substance that isn't
worth the bag it comes in


Does anyone actually enjoy this candy?
I need to know...

the chad

The Chad
is waiting for you...

Have you clicked?!?

See where it says

This Weeks Tenant
------->
Click It!

Dr. Pepper, NO ICE...

Joe from
Walkin' In The Desert

has a great
slack inspired ramble
check it out!

depressing

it's 5:30

and it's pitch black outside...

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS ENDED
AND IT SUCKS!!!

I say keep the clocks where they are.

this is nasty

Cadavers for Display...
Made in China
this shows how they make them..
**GAG** **Cringe**
watch it here

The Actual Exhibition - Here


I have seen this exhibition before online
but never in person.. anyone seen it?

nightmare from hell

WALMART IS EVIL
they recently opened a "Super Walmart"
not too far from us
We decided to go grocery shopping there today

It was like being in the depths of HELL
1. The aisles were packed.. I swear every kid in there had on
those "roller-skate shoes" with the wheel built into the heels..
zipping by at full speed... Dear parents.. super walmart is not a roller
rink. When I accidently roll over little jonny with the shopping cart
I will sue your ass for disrupting my shopping

THEN
I saw a guy with a really bad mullet blocking the frozen food aisle
because he couldn't decide what kind of hot pockets he wanted.

You could barely move
You couldn't stop to look at anything because there were fifty
people behind you ready to ram their shopping carts into your ass.

2. the shelves were empty... ravaged

3. I waited 25 minutes at the deli for cheese - 25 fucking minutes
there were three old ladies wearing shower caps - working the deli counter
it was similar to watching paint dry..
- one lady was busy talking to the
"cheese enthusiasts" couple... at the end of the counter
talking /deciding "well I really like havarti" but that cheddar looks good too"
"ooh this one has nice color" "What do you have in a creamy light cheese?"

FUCCCCKKKKKKKK! If you're such cheese specialists
what the fuck are you doing here?
This isn't some exclusive upscale cheese emporium on the east side
it's fucking WALMART
Just pick a cheese for fucks sake!!!
Buy some american or provolone and move on - there's 50 people behind you!
(I had to walk away from them - I couldn't take it - I wanted to scream)

4. Check out time
I look over at the registers and I almost fell on the floor..
There were lines as far as the eye could see
it was like the day after thanksgiving.. we contemplated abandoning the
shopping cart and making a run for it.. but we came this far there was no turning back
we didn't feel like going to another super market and re-shopping..

So after waiting another 30 minutes in line
finally it was our turn

The cashier was your typical I don't give a fuck teenager
chewing gum with her mouth open..
she kept looking over at the customer service saying how she
wanted her break and mumbling to herself.
then.. get this... she looks at us and says
"hey .... did you guys do that day light savings time thing??"
I reply "....um yeah"
"Then what time is it really.. what's the real life time??"
As if there is some mathematical formula to figure
out day light savings time - subtract one hour you friggin' moron!

I say: "uh it's 1:45"
she replies "Arrggg that's it???" followed by a big ***SIGH***

I say: "yep 1:45..."

So she rings up my order
painstakingly putting 2 items in each bag...
WHAT THE HELL do I look like I'm 90 years old and can't carry the bags?
I say: "You can load up the bags okay.. I don't want a lot of bags"
(BLANK STARE)
It's like they have no concept of waste - do they teach kids anything anymore??

THEN I pay
and notice she didn't ring up my two coupons

I say.. I think you forgot my coupons
and she says "yeah here you go (hands them back to me)
You have to go to the customer service desk"

I WHAT??? I just waited a half hour!! Are you kidding Me?!?
"She replies yeah.. it shouldn't be that long of a wait"

At this point I could feel my blood pressure rising
I wanted to reach over the counter
grab her be the throat and
SMASH HER FACE INTO THE CASH REGISTER

In conclusion: WALMART is the ruination of the world.

the end.

saturday slack

just some joke

I got this joke in my email today...

AN ITALIAN STORY

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies
of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite
Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his
remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall,
he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort,
gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into
the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought
himself already in heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on
the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled
cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his
devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world
a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards t he table,
landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the
wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing
him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a
cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a
spatula by his wife.

"Get outta here! " she shouted , "They're for the funeral!"

clip

"the zipster"
answers 5 questions

five good answers..

You Tube is a Scary Place

Watch it here



My favorite lines: "Medievel Times I bet they stank"
"And These people didn't have like hot glue guns
so that's like really not for me.."

funny

Slimming Down
With Steve
Classic Daily Show

watch it

it's friday

It's Friday - At Last!

Email

Here is an email
I received from my
friend Angela this morning...
It's long, but it's good.

enjoy.


Good Morning, Jen. How was your evening?
Mine? Oh! mine was GREAT. Let me share:

I walk in the door from work, Jack in tow and I discover that the house
is much darker than usual. So... I click on the lamp and nothing, I try all
the other lights, NOTHING. As you know, I live in a duplex. The lights were
on next door, so I figured I blew a fuse. I head down to the basement while
having the following conversation:

Jack: "Mom, mommy, mama, mom, what happened to the lights?
I'm scared, where are you going? can I come?"

Me: "No, Jack, just wait here, I don't want you to get hurt down there."

Jack:"But I'm skerrrrrrrrrred"

Me: "SIT DOWN ON THE COUCH, I'll be RIGHT back!"

in walks my boyfriend

Aaron: "What's up?"

Me: "I don't know the lights are out, I'm on the phone with the electric company,
they say there's a transformer out in Smithfield"

Aaron: "Well, it wouldn't be just one side of the duplex, did you pay the electric bill?"

Me: "No, but it's not that late, they wouldn't just shut it off."

(some of the private information has been changed incase you decide to post this travesty)

Electric Company: "Can I have your 40 digit account number please" (okay, I'm exaggerating)

Me: "Well, I don't KNOW it!"

Electric Company: "Social Security # please?"

Me: "Oh Three Five...

Electric Company: "Just a minute Ma'am... okay, what was that? Oh Five Five?"

Me: "UUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH! NO!!!!!! OH THREE FIVE"

Electric Company: "Okay, the name on the account?"

Me: Angela "Blackinese"

Electric Company: "Can you confirm the address on the account"

Me: "Yeah, ITS 7B SHITMAN STREET"

Electric Company: "And now I'll just need you to confirm the phone number on the account?"

Me: "JESUS, LADY! "231-5555"

the world's longest pause

Me: "hello? hello? HUH- LOWWWWWWWWW!"

Electric Company: "Just a minute ma'am while I pull up that account"

Electric Company: "Do I have permission to view the account?"

AHHHH GOD! Are they for fucking real? I didn't just give you all that information just to say,
"No, no, lady... don't look, I'll just put my fucking lights back on with my telekinesis"

Me: "YES! YES!"

Electric Company: "MMmkay, yeah, I'm showing here your account was
cancelled for non-payment"

this is the part where I bust a motherfucking gasket

Me: "What the FUCK are you talking about!? I never even got a notice...
it's not that late! Are you FUCKING kidding me? My heat is out! I got a fucking 7
year old here, and I'm pregnant. Did you know that I've had to call you FUCKING
people every month to get my balance because I'm not getting any BILLS, LOOK
THAT UP IN YOUR COMPUTER! I'm SURE there's some 'NOTATION' in the
account that I've had to call and get my balance every GOD DAMN MONTH!!!"

Electric Company: "Ma'am? If you continue to swear, I'll end the conversation"

Me: "OH YEAH? Well, listen, let me just pay it and you can put it right back on"

Electric Company: "You can make that payment at any payment center.....

Me: "WHAT? A PAYMENT CENTER?!?!?!?! It's 6:30 at night! Where am I going
to find a fucking payment center! Can't I just pay it over the phone?

Electric Company: "Ma'am...I can give you the telephone number of AssMatrix"

Me: "Yeah, that would be GREAT! IF I COULD FUCKING SEE IN HERE TO FIND A
FUCKING PEN TO WRITE IT DOWN!"

Electric Company: "That number is: blah, blah, blah, I'll connect you"

Ass Matrix: "AssMatrix may I have your account number please?"

Me: "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 8484757572 38919493
497575738483 2983289849357"

AssMatrix: "okay, the balance is 78.77, did you wish to pay the ENTIRE amount"

Me: "THEY FUCKING SHUT OFF MY FUCKING ELECTRIC FOR 78.77?!?!?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

AssMatrix: "Okay, Miss? Did you want to pay that entire balance?"
Me: "Yes, I'll pay that ENTIRE balance"

AssMatrix: "Okay, Ma'am.... (speeding to the end) your confirmation
# is: 093409834982084209384, you need to call back customer service
and give them this code.

calling the back the electric company - bloodpressure: 200 over 90

Me:"Yeah, my electric got shut off and I need to give you my payment
code so you'll put my goddamn lights back on"

Electric Company: "Ex-KYOOOZ me?"

Me: "Yeah, okay - SORRY okay? I NEED to give you this code for the payment I made"

Electric Company: "Account number please?"

Me: "Ah, God... the ACCOUNT number is.... 09384093 84093397 50703984834083"

Electric Company: "And the payment code?"

Me: "023998"

Electric CompanY: "okay, great... Ms. Blackinese we have recorded your
payment and your electric should be on within 24 hours"

Me: "TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOURS? WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! ITS FREEZING
IN HERE! I HAVE A SEVEN YEAR OLD IN HERE!!!"

Electric Company: "Well, Ma'am - all I can tell you is it should be back on within 24 hours."

Shipped Jack off to my mother in laws... went and ate tacos... went to bed and froze.

Woke up late, took a shower, no fucking hair dryer! No iron for my clothes.

It's a lovely morning. Sure, I smell great, but I still look homeless.

Nobody

I did a guest post
at Mr. Nobody's

check it out

Nornna ReEnactment

Dramatic
Interpretation
of Nornna's
"Taste Test One"

watch it

Bart

Nancy Cartwright
a.k.a Bart Simpson's Voice
is 49 today...

You Gotta Love the Simpsons
the longest-running primetime
animated series in history

The Simpsons Movie
In Theatres: July 27th, 2007

Tuesday Work Sucks Haiku

And Now...
the Tuesday
Work SUCKS Haiku!

Is the clock working?
I can't take it anymore
Agonizing days

Thank You


If you have an I Hate Work Haiku Please Post as a Comment.

- the first line five syllables
- the second line seven syllables
- the third line five syllables

morning coffee

I was getting my coffee this morning and

I noticed the kid waiting on me
had on a watch like this...


He was overweight and wearing a hair net

I'm guessing his hobbies include:
• Stamp Collecting
• Solving Math Problems
• Wishing he could get laid - *in this lifetime


Okay I'm being mean
But you love it...

pumpkins

I bought a pumpkin over the weekend.

It gave me a flashback of last years
pumpkin buying experience...

The Walmart Pumpkin
Last year I was invited to a Halloween Party
I told my friend I would carve some pumpkins for her
because she wasn't skilled in the pumpkin carving area...

so at the last minute I went on this quest for pumpkins
because I always wait 'til the last minute to do everything

So I went with my husband -
we drove around looking EVERYWHERE
nada - no pumpkins - not a pumpkin in sight
no stands on the side of the road none in the supermarket
then we drive by walmart & noticed they had some outside

We take a look... I point at this perfect looking pumpkin
"that one looks pretty good"
My husband picks it up and says nahhhh
there's a mushy spot on the back
so he puts it back down ever so gently
just as he sets it down.. the pumpkin literally exploded

it made this popping sound and it spewed rotting ,vile, stinking
pumpkin juice all over everything
it was all over both of us.. more on my husband

There had to be at least a gallon of festering liquid inside of it
a huge puddle formed underneath it as it gushed out like tidal wave

it smelled so unimaginably bad...
this yellowish, slimy, revolting substance - dripping from his hands
all over his shirt... dripping down my leg and arm

I never knew pumpkins exploded.. It's something I never wanted to know
I have never experienced anything quite like it nor do I ever wish to again

Then he YELLS at ME
Like I was the one who made it explode
Like I wanted rotting pumpkin liquid to spray all over us

we ran to the car to find something to wipe it off with
and ended up using a 1/2 of a bottle of purrell hand sanitizer

but the smell did not disperse

needless to say.. we stopped looking for pumpkins that night
I was able to find a non-rotting one at another supermarket the next day

I hate Walmart.

the moral of the story...
don't wait till the last minute when making a pumpkin purchase

sans

Another Quality Advertisement

from Andy at Sans Pantaloons

Do You Dig It??

Visit Andy Today -
He has a Pic of Dick Small looking sexy as ever...
sanspantaloons.blogspot.com

timbit malfunction

We went to Tim Hortons this morning for coffee

like we usually do.

We got some of those 'Timbits'..
I bit into a supposed "Jelly" timbit
And I swear to christ they filled it with
Robitussin Cherry Cough Syrup
It was disgusting.. I almost hacked it all over the table
Blllleeeeeeeechhhhh

This is the dialogue that followed:

Me: UGGGGHHH it tastes like cough syrup...
Tim: Yeah? huh...
Me: TRY IT
Tim: "this taste awful.. try some" that's a great idea
Me: try it you have to..
Tim: *just stares at me*
Me: *grin* TASTE IT!
Tim: fine...Yep tastes like cough syrup,
thanks for making me taste that
Me: HahahAH... Why would they do that?
Why would they make there donuts taste like cough syrup??
Tim: I dunno...

the end

Link

If Humans Disappeared...
timeline of events that would take place
go here

Lynda

Lynda from Lynda's Great Journey
made me this KICK ASS ad

BWAhHAhahHAaa!

Please Check out her Sites - You Must!
Help me raised needed funds for cancer research &
support programs. Support me in Relay for Life:
http://www.acsevents.org/relay/ca/santarosa/lkscherf

And Visit her blogs!!
http://lkscherf.blogspot.com - Lynda's Great Journey
http://lauriannes-hope.blogspot.com - Laurianne's Hope

best movies ever

"Show them no mercy...
for you shall receive none!"
- Aragorn


Viggo Mortensen
is 48 Today




The Lord of the Rings - Trilogy
in my opinion... the Greatest Movies ever made..
Just sayin'

*and I am NOT one of those unicorn figurine collecting,
Magic the gathering game playing, dungeons & dragons, medieval fair visiting type person
- not that there's anything wrong with that of course...

friday

It's Friday Kids...
Happy Dance!

but, how do they...?

I just don't
understand

nasty...
go here

it's Thursday

The Office
is on tonight!
Dwight takes Ryan out
for his first sales call
and gives him a series of
challenges along the way.

thirteen

I see "Thursday thirteen" on a lot of blogs
So I want to be cool too...

so here is my
thursday thirteen
13 random facts about ...me, myself & I

1. I have never used an ATM in my life

2. I hate cooking & most food - I don't even like to be in the kitchen
yet I still like to watch cooking shows

3. I day dream / zone out - all the time
my husband calls it "going to Jen land"

4. I'm very punctual - I hate being late - I feel sick if I'm late

5. I want to see all 50 States in America - I've only seen 18

6. I'm 5'1 and wish I was taller

7. I love the smell of sandalwood incense

8. I don't like the taste of alcohol - I only drink Mikes Hard Lime or Beer

9. I'm 32 years old - But I feel more like 26..

10. I have asthma

11. I'm really bad at MATH

12. I'm always drawing or scribbling cartoons or designs
- I keep paper on my desk at work just for that

13. I loathe horror movies & musicals

This was truly a fascinating post wasn't it..?
It was.

flashback

Classic Muppets!
Leo Sayer in the
woods with muppets

watch it here





*thanks Angela

sans

Another gorgeous looking ad

from Andy at Sans Pantaloons

Do You Love It??

Visit Andy Today - He's Got Kilts AND Ice Cream...!
sanspantaloons.blogspot.com

BwaHahAA!

someone on youtube
did a play by play of their favorite
Nornna video
BWAAHAhAhaHAHAAA!
It's FUNNY
watch it- you know you want to!

it's just food

I had grilled cheese for dinner
it was good...

What did you have?

tag

Hapabukbuk tagged me
have you checked out her blog?
Why the hell not? - Go, Hurry!
But then come right back because I'll miss you..

I have answered a few of these before
but who cares

ready...set...go

1) Would you bungee jump?
Nahhh

2) If you could do anything in the world for a living
what would it be?
Ruler of the World OR Movie Director OR Writer
OR one of those people
that finds Ship Wrecks... that looks fun

3) Your favorite fictional animal?
Godzilla - he counts - right? reptile.. animal... whatever








4) One person who never fails to make you laugh?
ME

5) When you were 12 years old, what did you want to be when you
grew up?
Marine Biologist

6) What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Think "What the FUCK! I don't want to go to WORK"

7) Have you ever gone to therapy?
Nope

8) If you could have one superpower what would it be?
Time Travel

9) What is your favorite cartoon character?
Pussyfoot... Bugs Bunny too











10) Do you go to church?
nope - but I went to a catholic college, that was enough for me

11) What is your best childhood memory?
BEST?? BWAAAHAHAhAH
OHHH WAIT - I got one - when my parents bought me a camcorder
for christmas.. best present ever!

12) Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Nope I like it

13) Do you own a gun?
Shot Gun - and it's LOADED

14) Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yes - Haven't you??? I throw things too..

15) Have you ever sung in front of a large group of people?
No and I never will

16) What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Their face.

17) What is your biggest mistake?
Becoming a Graphic Designer - It lacks financial reward

18) Say something totally random about yourself.
I have no sense of direction - I could get lost in a paper bag

19) Has anyone ever said that you looked like a celebrity?
I look like me - I'm famous - A legend in my own mind...

20) What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex
has done for you?
I have no idea - how about this one...
my husband once made me a card out of a big piece of cardboard
(We weren't married yet)
and he tried to draw "snoopy" and flowers and a happy little scene
he used colored markers
and tried real hard... and for him that's BIG
he doesn't do things like that anymore.

21) Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
Most of the time

tags...
Scarlet
Doctor Mom
stjarna
Angela

email

I received another
quality email from
my friend Angela
& you know I like to share
so here it is...

enjoy



OMG. I can't stand people. I was at Target the other day getting stuff
(paper towels, toilet paper, laundry detergent)... & this lady is coming down
the isle I'm in...she's got room to go around me, but if she does, there will be a
ladder in her way. So the bitch looks at me and smiles...and says, "Yeah, I won't
be able to get by with that ladder in the way" So, I'm like looking at her and
she is looking at me...and there's this like awkward silence, and I'm thinking,
"This bitch doesn't seriously want me to MOVE the fucking ladder for her does she?"
But see, I'm not in her way, she's got like atleast 50 feet of isle before the ladder,
and I'm just trying to fucking pick out a box of cereal... the ladder isn't in MY way,
so it's not MY problem, ya know? anyway, she gets ALL disgusted and just like
plows past me, gets to the ladder and while holding the handle of the carriage in
one hand she's trying to push the ladder out of the way (which is on wheels mind you)...
and i"m thinking to myself: She is ACTUALLY mad at me because I didn't move
the ladder for her, this bitch is crazy as a shit-house rat.

Absurd Moments

The 6 Most Absurd
Moments from
Superhero Movies

go here

I'm tired

I have mentioned in the past
sleeping next to my husband is like
sleeping next to a grizzly bear

He is impossible to wake up & argues with me in his sleep...
Here is an actual conversation
that occurred around midnight:

ME: (*kick him* *elbow to the ribs*)
TIM: (*continues sleeping*)
ME: (*Push* *Kick* *Shake*)
TIM: What? Huh? What's Wrong?
ME: Roll Over - You're SNORING

TIM: no...

snoring continues....
ME: no?? ROLL OVER!!!!
TIM: stop it
ME: Roll Over... I can't TAKE IT

TIM: It's not that..
ME: It's not WHAT?? Roll OVERRRR
TIM: Shut Up
ME: YOU Shut Up You're the One Who's Snoring

TIM: No I Am... sleep... shhhhssh

DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M DEALING WITH!!
he did eventually roll over and stopped snoring
for about 30 seconds

I'm tired.

Work SUCKS Haiku

And Now...
the Tuesday
Work SUCKS Haiku!

There's always traffic
A thirty minute commute
More aggravation


Thank You

If you have an I Hate Work Haiku Please Post as a Comment.

- the first line five syllables
- the second line seven syllables
- the third line five syllables

bunnies

Fight Club
re-enacted by bunnies
in 30 seconds

is here

jerry

This is my other cat... Jerry
He's not very photogenic as you can see
Jerry is most unpleasant
he bites... he growls... he doesn't listen
if you cough too loud he runs away as if you're trying to kill him
- extremely paranoid -

he's No Travis, that's for sure
there's only one Travis...
(needless to say they despise each other)

link

Celebrity Albums
all of them are bad...

check it out

monday sucks

My weekend was extremely uneventful...
Now I'm sad it's monday.

5 New Words to Describe Monday
dreadful - causing great dread, fear, or terror; terrible
appalling - causing dismay or horror
joyless - without joy or gladness; unhappy
oppressive - distressing or grievous, causing discomfort
dismal - causing gloom or dejection; gloomy; dreary; cheerless; melancholy

mel

Have You Visited Mel Yet?
See where it says
This Weeks Tenant - On the Right
------->
Click That...Click it!! Click it!!!


Don't you want cookies & juice afterwards???