Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Velvet Jogging Suit

I'm at the post office over the weekend
I'm in line..

Girl in front of me..
early 30's
velvet jogging suit.. maroon with black racing stripes
huge designer sunglasses covering most of her face...
hair pulled back in ponytail
orange jersey shore tan
fake nails with tiger stripe design

she reeked of money..

in her hands - A package
a Christmas present to be precise

All wrapped up - picture perfect - in red and green xmas wrap,
cute reindeer
and a big shiny red bow

the postal worker proclaims..

Velvet jogging suit prances up to the counter and places the large
beautifully wrapped package on the counter..

the look on postal workers face ***PRICELESS**

everyone in line got real quiet...
looking forward to this transaction

Postal Worker: just stares - disgusted look on her face..
Velvet Jogging Suit: stares back... empty... stupid
Postal Worker: Can I help you?
Velvet Jogging Suit: I need to ship this.
Postal Worker: umm, you need to package it.
Velvet Jogging Suit: Huh?
Postal Worker: You need to package it… in a box.
Velvet Jogging Suit: But I need to ship it.
Postal Worker: You need to package it…
you can't just ship a Christmas present..
There are priority boxes in the back of the store.
Velvet Jogging Suit: Wanders to the back of the store
Fusses with some boxes then yells across the room..
ummmm how am I suppose to seal it??

Postal Worker: **sigh**
there is tape over there too
but you have to BUY IT

Velvet Jogging Suit: Oh..
*with a look on her face like she is the victim*

Oh poor, poor Velvet Jogging Suit..
How dare that mean postal worker tell you what to do..

How is this possible??
How can someone be this stupid?
She probably never worked a day in her life
YET she's sportin' around town in a Mercedes and her jogging suit probably cost more
than I make in a month...

What did I do wrong in life?


SkylersDad said...

Thank you for this, it means I am not the only one dealing with these people lately!

Annie said...

Bahahaha. I saw it like I was right there.
It was probably Gini's neice.

teri said...

she sold her soul to the devil, Jen.

You didn't. that's the difference between the haves and have nots.

PS LOVE your stories. I think you should be a reporter out on the streets of Rhode Island.

EJL said...

oh dear...you were there? I had hoped no one i knew had seen me.


Roxi said...



Pauline said...

LOL! What a ninny! I swear this whole "orange spray tan" craze is making people dumber!

Katie said...

I thought that whole jogging suit craze was already gone!?! Argh, I HATE faux joggers.