Wednesday, October 22, 2008

sick of it

an open letter
to a female co-worker

When I bring in a bag of tootsie rolls
and place them in a container on my desk

Yes - they are for "everyone"..
with in reason of course

Sure - I like to share..
Take a few...! Enjoy! Have a great day!

But when you come in every morning
and proceed to jam your face full of candy as if
you had not eaten in weeks and THEN take handfuls
and put them in your pocket for later...

I take issue with that.

Just so you know..
I'm not a fucking soup kitchen

If you're so god damn hungry
Have an Eggo waffle in the morning..
Stop at McDonald's and grab some McBreakfast...

I don't give a shit where you go - just as long as you realize
my desk is not the new all you can eat buffet

Jen @ casual slack


Coffeypot said...

You should take some Tootsie Roll wrappers and put them around some Chocolate ExLax and, when you see the offending person coming, change the candy dish. Wait till you see the person run to the restroom, then call 911 and the TV news team for a six o’clock showing.

Or just tell that person you don’t appreciate the selfishness and abuse . Stand up and slap the shit of the person and, if it is a he, kick him in the balls. Tootsie Rolls are sacred and should not be gobbled by the hand full. They must be savored and enjoyed.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, people get greedy.

You need to say something!

Bob said...

I like coffeypot's exlax plan.

Miss Alex said...

that is SO bullshit i hate that...

Anonymous said...

Maybe they're on a Tootsie Roll diet and they think you're their sponsor.

Scarlet said...

We HAD a community treat jar. But one person kept shovelling his mouth full like Kirsty Alley at Smorgy's. And NOT ONCE did he even think of putting in for the upkeep of the jar. Sad to say (well not really) we all hate him now.

We all have our own little jars at our desks now. But the romance has gone out of it now.

Damn you! You Welsh bastard!! **shakes fist***

Dr Zibbs said...

How much did Kellogg's pay you for that mention of Eggo's? Also, why don't you accidently stick a few pins into some of the tootsie rolls.

Goggles Piasano Ritardo said...

tootsie rolls are impostor chocolate, yuck.

Just Dave said...

Just marinate a few in habanero pepper sauce. That will probably get the message across.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you bring some tootsie rolls down the street we need some too

anne altman said...

i'm guessing you work with fat people.

don't encourage them.

new treat: celery sticks.