Monday, December 29, 2008

an email

And now
an email I received this morning
from my friend
Angela a.k.a 2fools


Hi, Jen - How was your Christmas? Did you get anything nice?
We had a nice Christmas - it was nice. Yeah...
It's the days leading up to Christmas that are fun, you know?
Picking that perfect gift for your special someone...I think I did pretty well.
Here's what I got for my sweetheart:
An Ipod - Nano w/ hard case and extended warranty $220
Clothes - $100
Car stuff (jumper cables, etc.) $50.00
Harley Davidson engine model kit $40.00
Glass *ahem* "tobacco" pipe $35.00
"tobacco" $50.00
One-hitter (whatever that means) $10.00
Massaging Slippers $20.00
Lots and lots of stocking stuffers $whoknows.
Here's what I got:
A new coat: Size 2XXL (Woman)
("I picked it up and said, "Oh yeah, that'll DEFINITELY fit her)
1 bottle of shampoo
1 bottle of conditioner
1 bottle of nail polish remover
2 bottles of nail polish
(I haven't had nails since I started playing guitar when I was 17
- and I don't paint my nubbins)
1 .99 cent key chain.
Thanks... I LOVE it. Douchebag.
As you can see the meaning of Christmas
is still intact at our house.


Miss Alex said...


Coffeypot said...

You mean you didn't get a half-slip like my sister got (her only Christmas present from her alcoholic husband that year) for Christmas? Good news is, he’s dead now. So…what’cha gonna do with yours?

The Wife O Riley said...

2 Nail polishes??!!! You don't have to brag!

Anonymous said...

WOW, their giving brings a tear come to my eye.

Angela is a saint!

Anonymous said...

Can I have his "tobacco"???? And the pipe?

2 fools said...


Yes, TWO nail polishes - you want 'em? Send me your address, I'll mail that shit right to your doorstep and I'm serious.

Dear Joe: No you may not have his "tobacco" - I've already pinched a whole bunch, he'll notice it missing... come by on my lunch break tho - I'll SHARE... MUAH HA HAAAAAAa

Anonymous said...

Great! I'm there! (c:

Coffeypot said...

Damn, 2Fools, are you that young, or don’t they make them anymore. A half slip was like a skirt with an elastic waist band and was worn with a skirt, mostly in the summertime. A slip, for those younger than thirty, is an undergarment women wore under their skirts and dresses so that men couldn’t see their camel toe when the light was behind them. Though, from all the tabloid pictures, I don't think women even wear panties anymore, thus doing away with camel toes leaving mostly bald beavers for man’s appreciation.

2 fools said...

Dear Coffeepot:

That was... well, that was just plain disgusting... much as I love ya... ya gotta watch yer CAMEL TOE AND BALD BEAVER comments. SHEESH...

Now back to the issue at hand - I don't wear skirts, hence the lack of need for a slip, half slip, or slipknot or whatever, and I DO, however, wear underpants... and I call them "underpants" so dirty old men like you don't get any drooly ideas about what's in them. BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH! CLEAN IT UP, COFFEEPOT! (heehee)