Wednesday, October 29, 2008


the blue carpet square

The year was 1979
The place was kindergarten

Everyday we would gather 'round in a circle
to learn the important stuff..
like the alphabet.. numbers..the proper way to hold scissors..

We would all line up and grab a "carpet square" to sit on
there was this one carpet square in particular..

Everyone wanted it.

So when the teacher would say LINE UP!
THERE WAS A MAD SCRAMBLE to the front of the line
to grab the ROYAL BLUE carpet square.

Until one day.

(short red hair, freckles, rather quiet)

On this day Elizabeth was fortunate enough to get first in line.
She grabbed "royal blue" and carried it with pride.

We all sat in our circle
everything was going as usual..

Until Elizabeth suddenly jumped up and ran over to the teacher
and whispered in her ear.. she had a distressed look on her face.

The teacher looks over at the Blue carpet square
all the kids in class turned their heads at the same time to look..
**What's going on! What Could be wrong with the Blue carpet square?????**

Teacher runs over to the BLUE CARPET SQUARE
and carries it away, all sopping wet ... dripping as she walked

A hush fell over the kindergartners
all stunned... watching the teacher carry it away...
like a fallen soldier on the battlefield.

Elizabeth pissed

It was a sad day.. a day that will live in infamy
It wasn't that carpet squares time to go


I still recall a shout out from the circle..
"Not the Blue One"

It was never seen again.

the end


Miss Alex said...



OH MY GOD I dont think i've laughed this hard since your teach post....

SkylersDad said...

Thanks for changing my name to "Elizabeth" to protect my identity in this post.

Jen said...

not a problem my friend!!
not a problem..

Some Guy said...

I'm perplexed by the fact that a story so tragic could make me laugh so hard.

Anonymous said...

i personally do not see the humor in denagrating a woman with a bladder control problem....there are countless "elizabeths" and "jessicas" and "kristens" out there ....who have been subjugated to unfair attacks....if this story was about a boy urinating you would have no story, would you?

Jen said...

No.. I would still have a story..!!

Apparently there's a lot of "elizabeths" and "jessicas" and "kristens" in Brockton, Massachusetts

Dr Zibbs said...

...and then came the stoning.

Miss Alex said...

Hahahaha... oh my god...

Hey anonymous... chill the fuck out... the kid was like 5 ... why are you getting your panties in a bunch???? LOL

geez you'd think YOU were the one who peed on the rug... or are you??????

Anonymous said...

you have the most interesting stories and led the most interesting life at a very young age.

Miss Alex said...

I agree Teri... good call...

Miss Alex said...

and while we're at it...

Don't fuck with the slack...

Anonymous said...

Difference between now and then.... Now teacher calls janitor to get rid of the BCS not touching it and janitor uses special hostpital grade sanitizer on floor where BCS was....Breonisphere

Miss Alex said...

Geez you’re so weird… you’re so not even worth answering … look if you’re upset cause you’re sitting in your own puddle of pee fine but don’t make it Slack’s problem and don’t ruin a funny story… some people just need to take it down a notch

LIFE ISNT THAT HARD… it’s not like she’s making fun of cancer geez louise.. get over yourself…


Brad said...

I think "Anonymous" doth protest too much.

Joe said...

I bet the teacher washed it and called it the new light brown carpet square.

Soon to be every kindy's fav!

Yo Jen...I've asked b4 and will ask again, so might as well answer...

WHAT inspires these random flashbacks???

Where where you...on the can?
In the shower?
Did you see a commercial on TV for carpet cleaners?

Talk to us Slack...

The Wife O Riley said...

Fast foward 2008, "Elizabeth" hair all ratty, dark circles, chapped lips, rocking back and forth chanting "I should have picked the green one...I should have picked the green one."

Jen said...

joe - they just pop in my head..
random.. there's no rhyme or reason

flashback can happen at any moment!!

Jen said...

the wife o riley -
you make me laugh out loud
every comment.!!!

2 fools said...

Since when does a girl become a "woman" in kindergarten? She wasn't slaughtered on it, fucko - she peed on it... Peed like everyone else in her class for the fifth time that day. It wasn't the peeing under attack, vulcan... the only denegrating done this day was to the Royal Blue carpet square. Which, by the way, was also MY FUCKING FAVORITE. We SHOULD have attacked the bitch, then I'd feel better.

...moving on...

Miss Alex said...

"vulcan... "


gotta love it.

2 fools said...

HAHAHA "Jeez Louise" I love it. That was hilarious.

"the new dirty brown carpet" HAHAHAHAHA

Bob said...

That poor royal blue carpet square. What the fuck did it ever do to anyone to deserve that?

Anonymous said...

I signed up with the BLOG folks some how when I was drinkin one night...can't remember my sign in..don't care...I'll always put some kinda thing on my comments like breonisphere or something pls. don't confuse me with the other disturbed "anonymus" I always see the humour in all yer stories! Breonitronically speaking freind of WOO- Smash- Slacker!

Jen said...

don't worry breonisphere
I know when it's you!
I always dig your comments

I didn't confuse you
with the "Anonymous"

Goggles Piasano Ritardo said...

I just want to throw up a smurf now.

alybeth72 said...

OH great!!!!! Now I just pee'd myself laughing reading this post. Thanks alot........and i am sitting on my favorite royal blue chair too!

Anonymous said...

Good! We're on the same page then...or BCS as it were...good comments on this one! You really got great response! Then there was that girl in 1st grade that peed her self regularly...she would indeed be placed right on top of the ventilation lie!

Coffeypot said...

I was wondering, did the class gather around the embarrassed little freckled face, red hair girl and beat the shit out of her for pissing on the sacred blue square?

Jen said...

coffeypot- no beating..
there was too
much shock and awe

Anonymous said...

What a wasteful kid! At least I had the good sense when I was younger to just piss my pants while standing near the bathroom.