Monday, December 11, 2006

Horrific Morning

it's monday morning once again
And I can't think of a better way
to start my morning off

than finding a roach on my bagel

Yes kids you read it right


I unwrap my bagel
I apply the cream cheese
I start eating it

When I picked up one of the halves
a roach came running out from underneath
and was scampering around in a circle

I jumped out of my chair
and stood - paralyzed with horror

It was just sitting there looking at me
then it did a few laps around my bagel

now.. I have never seen a roach in real life
on tv yes.. books.. yeah
but never up close and personal like this..

so Im thinking to myself
It couldn't be a roach.. no way
....This seriously looks like a fucking roach...
how can this be???

So I call to my friend who's in the next room
She comes over and says..
"Maybe it's a beetle.. remain calm."
"Find a picture online an compare it"

ME: I'm gonna throw up

FRIEND: Don't throw up

ME: I'm gonna throw up
(I had to stop myself from puking all over the floor)

FRIEND: Please Don't throw up - It's just a bug

ME: A roach is more than just a bug

So I call more people down from upstairs to help me confirm

now there's 5 people standing around my bagel
Shouting out things like...

"I think it's a roach" "Kill it ... Kill it..!"
"NO save it so you can bring it back" "Euuu"
"Don't kill it" "Get a paper towel" "I'm going to kill it"
"NO DON'T KILL IT" "Take its picture"
"Put it in that plastic container"

the roach is just sitting on the paper...staring at all of us
So finally one of the salesmen puts it into a container

My stomach is still churning
When I get out of work... I'm taking this mother fucker
back where I got it...
there's gonna be some yelling at Tim Horton's tonight kids...

I have never in my life been this disgusted..
This incident is going to scar me for LIFE

And it's not like I went to A Tim Horton in the Ghetto
I live out in the country... The place looks clean
I go there all the time!
Let me re-phrase.. I use to go there all the time

I feel ill.
Hold me.

My friend was kind enough to do
a photo shoot.


***Cringe*** ***Shudder*** ***Gag***


Anonymous said...

You can tell if it's a real roach if there's a clip attached.

dirty said...

This would do it for me...I would lose my fact, I about lost it just reading about it...and the pictures...Yikes.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Jen, that's a roach. That's SO gross. Why do you even do Horton's anyway???? Yuck. Well, at least you didn't find half a roach...

Anonymous said...

If I were you, I'd take the rest of the day off. I'll cover for you.

Teri said...

OH GOD, I'm am so with you.

That's definitely a roach!

I would take it back on your lunch hour or something before too much time goes by. That's so nasty.

Do you know how dirty has to be to have roaches? Disgustingly dirty.

Jen said...

MixedNut - No clip on this baby

Dirty- yikes is right!! GAG!!

Dick - Would you?? You're the best

Teri - I wish I could
but I work in Providence about
30 mintues from where I live
so It would take me too long

Anonymous said...

I don't even know what to say.

If I was there I would hold you.

I don't even know what to say.

I have serious roach issues myself. Like, "almost needing therapy" roach issues.

Some Guy said...

I think he's kinda cute myself.

Pepper said...

I can relate. One of the places I lived in DC was right next to the trash room for the whole building so I'd get roaches from time to time. The one you got today would get laughed at and beat up by the supersized, bionic roaches I had to deal with. I had one fall on my head in the shower one morning. THAT was a very unpleasant way to start the day.

Jim said...

I briefly lived in Savannah, GA for 3 years. They have giant cockroaches ("Palmetto Bugs" they call them) that are about the size of a small matchbox car. They fly. I had one land on my face. They are EVERYWHERE. I think we killed about 3-4 everyday inside our home. They are just EVERYWHERE, it has nothing to do with food being out, etc. They are just EVERYWHERE. Disgusting and horrifying. Did I mention I've had them fly onto my face?


Anonymous said...

So.... did you ever finish the bagel??

Joe said...

"I have never seen a roach in real life"

WOW! That almost sounds like Paris Hilton wondering what Wal Mart was. I beleive her exact comment was, "Do they sell walls there?"

How could you never have seen a roach Jenster?

Over the summer, I had a roach run out of my bed. I can live with that, what I had a real problem with is the black widow hanging six iniches from my bed one night.

Black widow bad, especially when I was bit two years ago in the butt. Royal pain in the...

Goggles Piasano Ritardo said...

One morning I bought (from a food cart)a "egg mcmuffin". I was so hungry and took a huge bite. At the edge of where I bit through the sandwich was a baby roach. My teeth actually scraped the edge of a ROACH. I live in Texas and we have plenty. No disputing it. I was offered another sandwich, but hell no. It was all I could do not to puke myself.

Joe said...

You really need to send this to NBC for a segment on The Office. Seriously! I did a few things for the old Tim Allen TV show Home Improvement basically the same way--through inside out experiences.

Write this up & send it in. There's different copyright issues today to protect your story with the Internet, but as long as you have the post on your blog and document, you should be OK. a year if you are watching The Office, and see a "roach segment" you might be pissed when you didn't get compenstated for it after thinking they blew you off. This happened to me when watching an episode of BH 90210 ten years ago hearing a piano clip for a scene. I remember thinking, "Geez, that sounds REALLY familiar...I wonder why they never got back to me!"

TV Wankers.

Your Girl Friday said...

eeewwwww... your poor thing. I don't know how you DIDN'T throw up!!

Bob said...

Mmm, cockroaches...

Jen said...

Amy- Thanks Amy .. you feel my pain

Chris- Should I have kept it and named it? I would have named him Nathan
He looked like a

Paul - If a roach fell on me in the shower.. I don't know.. I think I'd probably die.

Jim - This is why I will never live anywhere but the northeast..

Dick - I did not.. did you want it?

Groover - Some how I managed to get thru life with no roach incidents
I'm lucky like that! But now..sadly the streak is over.

Ritardo - OMG that is nasty..
I would have puked for sure

YGF- I was hard not to

Fab - I didn't but Im sure it was packed with protein

Nobody - Mmmm Mmmmm Mmmmmmmmm

Scarlet said...

That is so much better than the toy I got at McDonald's with MY meal!!

2 fools said...

God Damn. That's no ordinary roach either, that's like Godzilla the roach.

Lynda said...

I hear roaches are actually very clean. They like to clean dirty places.

Eww! Thanks for the picture though. I have never seen a real roach before either. Except at the zoo.

Michele said...

Oh that was too funny,yep
that's a roach.Ewwwwwwwww!