Sunday, October 29, 2006

nightmare from hell

they recently opened a "Super Walmart"
not too far from us
We decided to go grocery shopping there today

It was like being in the depths of HELL
1. The aisles were packed.. I swear every kid in there had on
those "roller-skate shoes" with the wheel built into the heels..
zipping by at full speed... Dear parents.. super walmart is not a roller
. When I accidently roll over little jonny with the shopping cart
I will sue your ass
for disrupting my shopping

I saw a guy with a really bad mullet blocking the frozen food aisle
because he couldn't decide what kind of hot pockets he wanted.

You could barely move
You couldn't stop to look at anything because there were fifty
people behind you ready to ram their shopping carts into your ass.

2. the shelves were empty... ravaged

3. I waited 25 minutes at the deli for cheese - 25 fucking minutes
there were three old ladies wearing shower caps - working the deli counter
it was similar to watching paint dry..
- one lady was busy talking to the
"cheese enthusiasts" couple... at the end of the counter
talking /deciding "well I really like havarti" but that cheddar looks good too"
"ooh this one has nice color" "What do you have in a creamy light cheese?"

FUCCCCKKKKKKKK! If you're such cheese specialists
what the fuck are you doing here?
This isn't some exclusive upscale cheese emporium on the east side
it's fucking WALMART
Just pick a cheese for fucks sake!!!
Buy some american or provolone and move on - there's 50 people behind you!
(I had to walk away from them - I couldn't take it - I wanted to scream)

4. Check out time
I look over at the registers and I almost fell on the floor..
There were lines as far as the eye could see
it was like the day after thanksgiving.. we contemplated abandoning the
shopping cart and making a run for it.. but we came this far there was no turning back
we didn't feel like going to another super market and re-shopping..

So after waiting another 30 minutes in line
finally it was our turn

The cashier was your typical I don't give a fuck teenager
chewing gum with her mouth open..
she kept looking over at the customer service saying how she
wanted her break and mumbling to herself.
then.. get this... she looks at us and says
"hey .... did you guys do that day light savings time thing??"
I reply " yeah"
"Then what time is it really.. what's the real life time??"
As if there is some mathematical formula to figure
out day light savings time - subtract one hour you friggin' moron!

I say: "uh it's 1:45"
she replies "Arrggg that's it???" followed by a big ***SIGH***

I say: "yep 1:45..."

So she rings up my order
painstakingly putting 2 items in each bag...
WHAT THE HELL do I look like I'm 90 years old and can't carry the bags?
I say: "You can load up the bags okay.. I don't want a lot of bags"
It's like they have no concept of waste - do they teach kids anything anymore??

THEN I pay
and notice she didn't ring up my two coupons

I say.. I think you forgot my coupons
and she says "yeah here you go (hands them back to me)
You have to go to the customer service desk"

I just waited a half hour!! Are you kidding Me?!?
"She replies yeah.. it shouldn't be that long of a wait"

At this point I could feel my blood pressure rising
I wanted to reach over the counter
grab her be the throat and

In conclusion: WALMART is the ruination of the world.

the end.


Shelly said...

I completely agree. The Wal-Mart we have is fairly "old" like 5-8 years and it's completely ghetto. There are lines in the alllll the friggin' time -- accept during church, thank God I'm a heathen.

The place is dirty and it's like people bring their kids there to "play." Drives me nuts.

Bloomin' Crazy said...

Wal-Mart is the DEVIL!

Sans Pantaloons said...

Clam down Jen.
Where did you see the guy with the really 'good' mullet?

We have "Asda, part of the Walmart family" over here.
I don't go there too often.

Time for a Mikes Hard Lime?

Anonymous said...

I read recently that another 370 store are to be opened this year.

And that theoreticaly EVERY US citizen lives with 25 miles of a Wal-Mart store.


Isn't Mullet in Latin "Uglias Moronas Haircutii"

Anonymous said...

Our town fought hard to keep them out, and we won. But it cost a lot of taxpayer dollars to fight them in court. We may get some of the money back, depending on new laws being considered. But they will be back until they wear us down or buy civic leaders who will let them in. They keep coming back and they will until people STOP GOING THERE TO SHOP.

Bob said...

I hate walmart. Please tell me you didn't buy any meat there. I looked at their steaks once but they looked funny.z

Teri said...

this is why I don't shop there anymore and I haven't stepped foot in a Walmart for about 3 years. Target is my store of choice now.

where are you NOT shopping from now on?

Mel said...

Yup, sounds like a typical Walmart trip to me. I dont like to go there but sometimes we do to save money. They have the cheapest prices hands down.

It will be better today...oh wait today is work.

Aunt Nora said...

I like their scented candles section.

Aunt Nora said...

... also they got a great pumpkin selection to choose from (or so I heard).

Some Guy said...

Shit, Jen. I could've told you THAT! WalMart is a black hole void of anything positive. I avoid it like the plague.

Anonymous said...

Heh, you're just figuring this out huh? Sushiboy and I have pretty much banned Walmart. We only go if we have too. Otherwise I'll pay a little extra to have the privilege of NOT shopping at Walmart.

Jen said...

No I have always known
that WALMART is Evil
I ALWAYS go to TARGET instead

But I figured the
grocery shopping would be a lot cheaper... but I'll gladly
pay more and go to the normal supermarket next time!

Lynda said...

We have been shopping at Walmart and the only things I won't buy there are meat and fresh vegetables, because I have a friend who works at Walmart and I have heard stories. Of course, I won't get fresh vegetables at Target either, after a few bug incidents.

Hey, isn't Walmart where the exploding pumpkin was from? I think that the Target Gods are trying to tell you something.

Anonymous said...

Uh, Jen, I agree with everything you said, however, I need to clear up 1 thing. In a past life, I beleive you were that teenager grumbling about how long you have to stay there until you get a break... well, that is when you were not busy breaking produce knives.